After a leisurely breakfast the next morning, we trotted down to the pool for a day sunning ourselves. I admit to being a little peeved at having been wined, dined and dumped at the door but it’s not as if that’s a new experience for me. Having had one too many Rakis at dinner last night, I was quite happy to sit poolside camouflaged by a big sun hat reading the latest blockbuster before participating in a game of water volleyball with some other holidaymakers.
As I was frolicking around in the water like a walrus, I noticed two feet poolside and I looked up to determine the owner. “Hello I am Ahmet” – no shit Sherlock! I can’t deny that I felt somewhat pleased by his unannounced arrival, but prayed that he hadn’t brought his scooter with him. Hangover + white knuckle ride = a very poorly me; and it was not an experience I was hoping to repeat again whilst (a) conscious and/or (b) sober.
“I am coming later going Turkish night” – well, since you put it that way, it’d be rude not to! So later on that night, showered, moisturised, shaved and exfoliated to within an inch of my life, I was ready to rock. Expecting a night of Turkish culture and cuisine, I took extra care with my appearance and a tip from Ahmet’s grooming regime by liberally dousing myself in half a bottle of duty-free Prada.
When he called for me at the apartment later on, I was delighted to notice that he hadn’t brought the monstrous moped with him. So we had a nice stroll to a local hotel, which he informed me was owned by one of his “friends”. When we arrived, the venue for the Turkish evening was on the Hotel pool terrace which was decorated in garish balloons and streamers. We were shown to our seats and as we were getting comfortable, the Chef lit the barbecue that was situated directly behind us. Already, I was regretting wearing shedloads of hair product as should a spark stray my way, I would have become a human torch within nano seconds. Both my waterproof mascara and Prada were also fighting a losing battle with the smoke, giving me the appearance of Norma Desmond meets the cast of Scream. Not to mention that I now smelt like a kebab.
As the Turkish master of ceremonies announced the entertainment, everyone clapped as a Michael Jackson impersonator took centre stage. Now don’t get me wrong I love Michael Jackson as much as the next person but there seemed to be something mildly misplaced about this young Turkish teenager and his endless crotch grabbing routine. Next up was the Turkish Elvis impersonator who crooned “I am no help falling in love with you”; which will never be quite the same for me again. As the evening progressed Ahmet showed me the “Cockytail” menu and against my better judgement, I ordered an “Organism” as opposed to a “Mangarata” which was possibly Margarita’s less attractive and cheaper sister. I was touched to notice that when the waiter delivered my drink it was accompanied by a single red rose and a note from Ahmet which included his phone number with the words “I am very bex like you”. What can I say the man was smitten or quite possibly his parents were, at the very least, first cousins.
I don’t know at what point Ahmet got roped in to assisting with the barbecue, possibly when I was being serenaded poolside by “Elvis”, who was a portly Turk demonstrating that anyone can wear sequined spandex. All too soon he was rapidly replaced by a Turkish breakdancing group with a dodgy sound system. As the required music failed to start on cue, curses were exchanged together with the odd blow between the DJ and the group, which resulted in them abandoning their routine mid performance and jogging off to their next venue.
The buffet was pleasant enough although I was hoping for something a little more traditional than salad, cips (chips or fries) and BBQ chicken. Very quickly the remains of the meal were cleared for the big attraction of the night, the Turkish dancing.
I don’t know exactly what I was anticipating but I thought that there may have involved a little more skill. The hotel staff held hands at shoulder level and hopped along to the music whilst moving backwards and forwards but I noticed that if you were on the end of the conga line, you did get to shake a white hanky around. Everyone was dragged up to dance young and old, and as there were no difficult steps to follow, it was fairly easy to pick up. To be fair everybody entered into the spirit of the proceedings; some a little more enthusiastically than others, owing to the abundant availability of “Cockytails”. As I was hopping up and down, the hot and sweaty aged Elvis cut in next to me – oh yeah I’m a fox magnet! Keen to impress, he hopped along with gusto in his skin-tight Lycra cat suit, grinning at me as if I was his next meal. As the tempo increased so did the enthusiasm of the dancers with Elvis hanging onto me as if I was a prize heifer. Inevitably, he toppled backwards, dragging me along with him into the swimming pool. I don’t know who was more embarrassed me or Mr Presley. A couple of the hotel staff helped me clamber out to the rousing applause of our audience who clearly thought I was the best cabaret of the night. Ahmet came running to my aid with a pile of hotel towels and as he was helping me to dry me off, Elvis suddenly realised he had serious competition for my affections so stomped off in a huff, muttering something about “stupid Engleessssssssshh girls”. As Ahmet gently dried my hair I had no doubt that Mr Presley would have already moved on to another conquest who would appreciate the rhinestone-studded costume and quiff. But for now, Ladies and Gentlemen, Boys and Girls, Elvis had left the building.
You’re becoming quite famous in Sydney!
Looking forward to the next Ahmet instalment!
I hope it’s in a good way!!! Thank you for your kind words – it means a lot and it’s nice to know it’s not just my mum reading
Hilarious! I reckon this could be the next Bridget Jones movie, easy!
If it ever is, I want someone drop-dead gorgeous playing me!
Hi,
Wow, now that is a night to remember.
Don’t say I don’t know how to have a good time!
What a fantastic read. Thank you! I can hardly wait to read what happens next.
I hope you’re not disappointed!
This was really fun to read.
Thank you
I’m a fox magnet. BOL. Awesome.
Oh yes if there’s a crazy on the bus, he’ll come and sit next to me!
That was great!
I’m off in search of part 1-3 (I have to catch up with this story)
This is great – It brings back so many memories of dodgy family holidays with dubious holiday acts – loved it. Off to find the rest of the saga now
Bless you!
Hilarious fun. I’m sure the dousing in the pool, really put paid your waterproof mascara.
I’m afraid Max Factor let me down that night!
It’s the way you tell them, girl!
Hi guys nice to hear from you – where are you off to next week?
Brilliant! I am still giggling. Really enjoyed the read. Have a great weekend.
Regards Florence x
You have a great weekend too and thanks for reading, it makes it worthwhile! (well some of it)
So glad Ahmet stuck by you – how sweet of him to gently dry your hair – what a guy!! Have fun
Me too – he was a real prince!
That was funny. It reminds me of back in Syria
.
do tell!
The Michael Jackson and Elvis’s part, they have to be at every party.
what a night
Well done! LOL
Thank you!
Love it! been to more than my fair share of ‘Turkish’ nights
I don’t know if I could force myself to do another one!
U fell in the pool with Elvis?!!! Oh dear lol. Maybe I’ll skip my visit to Turkey and just read about it here instead! Seems a lot safer that way lol…well for me at least.
And you all thought Elvis was dead when in fact he’s alive and well and living in Turkey!
Who knew?!
Lol, I do love the mis-spellings they have in places like this. Mangarata…haha.
me too!
The spelling may be quaint, but at least they know more than a single language!
As usual, your story-telling is a kick!
Absolutely we are a tad lazy when it comes to learning languages
Sounds like a fun adventure. I enjoyed your writing. :+)
Thank you for dropping by – it was a nice compliment
My pleasure. I look forward to reading more. :+)
What an adventure – and you tell it with such detail that I can picture it!
Life is an adventure, and I just look for the humour in it – thank you for your kind words
This post, in all its parts, is seriously funny. Too bad you missed the boat on that Turkish Elvis though, hubba hubba. Love reading your blog!
True, I do love a man in lycra!
Haha
I love the way you describe the experience! Sounds once in a life time! x
I hope it is for me but nearly every night of the week some venue here in Tinky Town holds another Turkish Night
“Cockytails”!! I peed a little.
Hilarious!!
x x
http://dejafashion.wordpress.com
No doubt you will have seen it all a hundred times! But I have to say it always amuses me!
I have, but yes, it never ceases to entertain me. Oh if I had a penny for each one I’ve seen…
x x
http://dejafashion.wordpress.com
Can I just say…..the ending sentence was perfect!
Funny
))
cheers m’dear!
This is so funny. Funniest post I read tonight, and I read a lot!
That’s the nicest thing anyone has said to me today!
That was hilarious.
I’m glad I made you smile – mission accomplished and thank you very much for taking the trouble to read it!
Witty as always, Miss Dallas. Glad to be back and catching up on your wonderful saga.
Nice to have you back and looking forward to the posts on your hols AND the ones on Turkey. One of our fellow bloggers asked for more info on Turkish food – well as you know I am hapless and hopeless in the kitchen!
Haha! I remember you writing about the undercooked chicken and the resulting digestive problems, but I thought it was lack of proper cooking equipment. For myself, I avoid the kitchen whenever possible (as results can vary widely), but I do like to eat so turned to the wonderful food-in-the-window Turkish restaurants (and now I know why you didn’t reply to that Turkey-food blog post of mine). Perhaps you could do a post on your mother-in-law’s cooking as she seems to be quite good. I, too, would love to hear more about Turkish food. btw, no worries, lots more posts on Turkey coming up, as well as the recent Norway visit.
Oh! Oh! Oh! Your writing is so deliciously tongue-in-cheek. A true raconteur you are! Thanks for entertaining me so delightfully!
You are most welcome – I have always thought myself more of a people watcher than a writer. Thank you for dropping by
I hope you are crafting your screenplay! Women’s stories need to be told, and this one is entertaining!
How amazing would that be! Thank you so much
Thank you for taking the time to visit my blog. I enjoyed reading your blog.
BE ENCOURAGED! BE BLESSED!
hilarious…. LOL can’t wait to read next chapter…
Awesome…..have to agree with all the others about the screenplay
From your lips to God’s Ears maybe, Madhu
Hilarious!!! Love your writing voice!
How kind are you! Thank you