“Stop the madness” I shouted as I fought to be heard over the high-pitched voices of my sister, my best friend Carla and my mum.
I’d returned home from a lovely afternoon with my Grandad, to find them all in heated discussion in my parents’ kitchen and unsurprisingly, I was as usual the main feature. Carla had again rushed round to Dyson Mansions, aka my parent’s house, to announce that Serial Shagger Simon was now shacked up with my pregnant former best friend in the house which we had bought together. “Can’t believe, you’re letting him get away with it”. My sister reproached me as my mum once again boiled the kettle for another round of teas. Frankly, if ever the end of the world was announced my mother would spend the last ten minutes of her life brewing tea.
Even Carla was adding her ten pence worth “so let me understand this cupcake. You have been financing Serial Shagger’s lifestyle in a 3 bedroomed semi with Miss “impregnated by an alien”, whilst you have been sleeping on a rollaway bed in your parents spare room?” realising what she’d said, she added “sorry Mrs D” in my mother’s direction “ it is a very nice spare room but at the end of the day it is not the same as having your own place. Honesty, Dall, if you were any more stupid, you’d have to be watered twice a day”!
My sister added “And I have had to endure hours of shopping channel television in order that you could furnish that semi. I even spent three hours of my life, which I won’t be getting back anytime soon, selecting kitchens in Ikea with you. And now, Sharon future mother of the golden child is playing housewife with your kitchen utensils and you don’t seem to be bothered. Now I know you’re adopted because there is no history of insanity in this family”.
“Well thank you former family member and may I just ask whether they ever shut up on your planet”? I retorted in the way only sisters can.
“Dall, why don’t you just give your money to a religious cult because at least you’d know it was going to a good cause” Carla laughed.
I thanked them all for their concern and agreed that it wasn’t my finest moment but in the event that I ever found myself in that situation again, I would remember to pack the tea towels before fleeing. With as much dignity as I could muster, I turned and slammed the kitchen door behind me.
My Dad, who had been lingering in the hall pretending to consult the phone book, whispered as I stormed out of the kitchen “Now lass, don’t go getting yourself upset. I’ve made an appointment for you to see a solicitor on Monday; very thorough, did the conveyancing on your sister’s house. I think it’s time that Simon learned that my daughter’s nobody’s fool”. With that he kissed the top of my head and patted my hand. “Tell your mother I’m off to the allotment “.
I realised that I too needed to seek sanctuary sooner rather than later and I knew where there was a Turkish oasis of calm waiting for me.
Wow… your sister sounds like she needs some lessons from Miss Manners.
I think family members sometimes think that they have a god given right to say things to you as they see them and don’t realise how hurtful they can be
I think you’re right. It’s like sensitivity and propriety go out the window.
Tea! The only thing you can count when disaster is about to strike!!!
Precisely! I fear that I may be my mother’s daughter in that respect too!
I know that this is not the point of this post at all. But I love how alive your writing is. I felt like I was standing in your kitchen with you! And whatever way you decide to handle your situation, I commend you. You’re better than me. I’d probably be on the international news by now…
Bless you – how nice to hear that particularly as today I am not at my best! And as for the international news ………. there’s still time!!!!!!
LOL! Indeed! There is always time.
Nah… I think your sister sounds like a sister.
Most definitely! A sister can be a either a royal pain or a Jiminy Cricket
Boohoo… how come I never show up on anyone’s favs?
I think its because you were St Gunta and were probably my first follower when I was Billy No Mates; but I have an idea as the faves usually list your last follower first on your list so I will unfollow and then follow again if you get what I mean. Irrespective of whether you show up on my list you know without a doubt you are one of my faves.
I’m consoled. Just so long as I know I’m loved.
WITHOUT A DOUBT!
And voila Gunta – check it out!!!!
You silly girl…. I see you managed to put my old gravatar up there…. you’ve put a big smile on my face AND got me giggling! Thanx!
(and your comment came in just after I noticed you refollowed me and I was writing the above!) You’re just too sweet! xxoo
Tough times Dallas.
I can see where this is heading…
ps
Don’t hold this against me, but the first thing I would do if I thought the world was coming to an end is brew tea.
We are definitely both our mothers’ daughters in that respect!
Gotta love families! You can keep your tea mines a coffee
I know that’s sacrilege here in Turkey !
The same as in the Turkish proverb “Coffee should be as strong as love, as sweet as sin and as black as Hell”?
Not sweet for me but strong and black, guess I’m not a sinner
)
I think I like this proverb
I was going to put my hand up for coffee too!
Well anytime you’re in Turkey just pop on across
Would have to get a passport first…
Just take a photo of your next cup and send it to me, I’ll imagine the taste
I’ve never met your dad but I really like him
I like him too so it’s nice to know I’m not alone!
“Frankly, if ever the end of the world was announced my mother would spend the last ten minutes of her life brewing tea.” …hahaha!
I think most mums are the same!
Hmm… I dunno, mine wouldn’t make tea… but I definitely think she’d make a sandwich or something so we wouldn’t be hungry!
Ah your name is Dallas! I didn’t realize that! I don’t know why I’m so excited to realize this.
As usual I love these updates. Also are your parents in Turkey right now? I remember you saying they were coming for a visit.
It’s really Debbie or Deborah as my mother calls me but I got the nickname from a little tyke who’d borrowed his dad’s copy of the infamous porn film and the rest they say is history! My mother had a great sense of humour as she named my sister Beverley Joanne and with the surname of Dyson she took some stick for it at school. And yes the clan are here on a visit now!
Well it’s nice to know that your family is so protective of you, even if they have a funny way of showing it.
For we English, tea is the answer to all calamities. 
Families are families wherever you happen to live and I agree with you about the tea!
Love your writing.
Thank you very much and thank you also for reading every week – it really is appreciated more than you know
Your dad sounds so wonderful. I could just hug him.
He’ll be glad about that as that will be three of us!
Your dad is a sweetie! And I’m sure the rest means well (they do, don’t they? Surely they do!). Love the comment of your friend about having to water you haha, I’ll be sure to use that one in the future! (BTW I saw I dropped off your fav’s list too. I guess that’s why I don’t have one, it’s too hard to keep everyone happy haha)
I am on it like a car bonnet – I will unfollow you tonight and re-follow tomorrow so please don’t think I’ve abandoned you!!!!
Ohhhh, I’d say you definitely take after your dad, being a sweetie I mean
Thanks
When all´s said and done, Dallas, your family mean well – they are only trying to show you support – sometimes in a funny kind of way!
Oooh, families eh? Keep drinking the tea and ignoring the advice (except of course that from your dear Papa)
I drink tea for England out here
Sorry, stickin’ w/Tink. Debbie can do Dallas without me helping her! Best thing about the way your family talks to you (and treats you) is you have the same rights. It’s family speak for ‘we love you and want only what’s best for you…blah blah blah…and we don’t know how to keep our mouths shut.” Take the best, trash the rest. You are doing pretty ok from what I can see, so whatever you are doing, it’s working. Been waiting for a post mum post…hope it’s going well.
I love what you said about families! It’s been a pretty tense time, not helped that I keep sneaking away to catch up with all of you because you are my salvation and voice of reason amidst the madness.
sneak away anytime you need to Tink…that’s what we are here for…and we ARE here.
Bless you Rhonda
I agree and can related to what you said to ailienredqeen…
nobody can wind us up like a sibling, that’s for sure
I think I would like your dad a lot. It is good to have a kind voice, a voice of sanity amongst the chaos.
I think he’s the same kind of parent as you Naomi and has the same values so you’d definitely get along
It is said that 70% of families are dysfunctional and no one has met the other 30%. Your family seems like one of the very good ones. I was a medical social worker and when I dealt with families I found that the opposite of love isn’t hate but apathy. The ones that were constantly going on at each other but bonded were the ones that had strength. The ones that sat there like wood usually fell apart. The ones that didn’t talk for fear of offending were isolated. I love your story. They are ready to go to battle for you. They are goading you on. No one does this to their Deb. God bless them and pass the tea.
Hello Deborah (great name)! I’ve never thought about it like that as sometimes it is so overwhelming but now I think about it you are so right
hi deborah, your comments have opened my eyes – I totally agree with you about the opposite of love etc. Having your family champion you no matter whether that’s agreeing or disagreeing with you is so important. It really shows they care.
And Dallas! I love your writing, you bring humour and sympathy together. (PS I’m really sorry I haven’t followed up the lovely award you sent me, I’ve been busy with not well husband and new grandaughter, love them all!)
A new grandaughter; what a fabulous blessing having a new edition to the family! And thank you for your kind words as obviously when I started the blog I was and still am a complete numpty with anything technical – can’t even take a photograph in focus! I thought I’d be writing for myself as it’s cheaper than therapy! And here I am five months on with the most amazing blogging friends who are always there with sound advice, a virtual shoulder to cry on and to share the gift of laughter with. So I thank you for being one of them.
Just caught up with your Honeymoon series and its pretty good stuff. I’m interested in seeing how things turn out. On a side note, tea solves all problems (at least temporarily)
Thank you very much and I think tea is definitely a “cure all”
In their own way the more challenging members of your friends and family have your best interests at heart, possibly only slightly after their own
and your Dad is gold. I’ve been away but was happy to see this instalment buried in my In-Box 
My Dad is a fairly unassuming man of few words but he’s always there at the end of the day when it counts. The rest of my family tend to be very volatile and very very vocal
Gak, sisters and friends who needs them. This is when you drop things on their heads and then sweetly smile and say “oh, so sorry didn’t mean to drop that large rock. Must have slipped, did that hurt?”
Your writing is wonderful. Though it is obvious so much of this is hurtful you are bringing along the sense of real life rather than just the pain. It makes this a joy to read. I can offer you this tidbit, the best revenge is living well, with your keen sense of humor you are bound to come out on top and live well in the end.
Why thank you! Writing is very therapeutic for me and allows me to laugh at myself; which I do a lot! Hard not to when I’m such a numpty. I do so hope you are right about what lies ahead!
Hi CTTT – Just catching up on old posts, and, of course, yours was one of the first I went to! Can’t wait for the end of this story.
LOL about the tea. As an American, I simply cannot and probably will never understand the amount of tea that people drink in the UK. Even though I am now a converted tea drinker (only English breakfast, of course), I would never be able to drink as much as the English. But I learned the tea culture quickly when we moved to the UK when workmen repairing our new rental home knocked on the kitchen window nearly every hour asking for tea. I got the serving-tea-routine down pretty quickly after that. I now know that there is never an occasion not suited for a cuppa’.
Exactly, tea is served for every emergency in our house! Your workmen struck gold with you!
Good golly, you let him keep the house!? Glad your dad’s getting you some practical help. Can so picture the family gathering though. Had a good giggle
To be honest it was the last thing on my mind; just wish I’d kicked him out now but hindsight is a wonderful thing
Tea has always gotten me through the worst of times. This too will pass. Keep writing and go on with your life. Trust me, karma will catch up with the jerk and his current companion.
I know you are right but when you’re hurting you want retribution like now; even though I am trying to maintain some dignity and composure (not sure that’s working)
I was going to download a new book to my Kindle tonight – think I’ll just start at the beginning of your blog instead – love it!
How very very kind! I hope you do enjoy it reading it as much as I enjoy writing it!
Nothing like a cup of tea to clear your head!
While I have had my fair share of slamming doors and storming out of kitchens when i was younger, I do get uncomfortable around families that are too polite to each other
There is no danger of politeness when you have siblings! You can always rely on them to let you know exactly how it is
I actually managed to catch up with the entire ‘Honeymoon’ series finally! What a story! Wishing for the happiest ending possible Dallas
You and me both, Madhu, although when I’m stacking tin after tin of baked beans, Turkey seems so far away
I KNOW it will be a happy ending Dallas
Nice bit of writing. Thanks.
Why thank you very much!
I’ll see your cup of tea, and raise you a glass of wine – glad I don’t have any sisters!
There are moments when I wish I was an only child and a glass of red would go down very nicely now!
hey TinkyTown (I love calling you TinkyTown, do you mind? it just sounds perfect) just read part 16… I had left off at part 15…. pass the tissues, don’t know whether to laugh or cry. Maybe both… Dad as always has very good advice. Looking forward to the next chapter. Chin up and have a cup of tea…
I don’t mind what anyone calls me! Bless your heart for your kind words – had my performance review at work last night – enough said! I have, written the pre-ahmed chapter when I discovered serial shagging simon had been playing away – that makes for good reading! So will be posting that in the next week
where is the rest of the story, im hooked
Thank you so much; I’m not entirely sure myself how it’s going to end though…..yet!