Let’s talk toilets, specifically Turkish Toilets. Those that know me will be aware that I am no fan of the traditional Turkish Toilet. You know the ones I mean, the shower tray facility with foot rests on either side of the hole together with the obligatory garden hose pipe for flushing purposes. Generally speaking these toilets are usually grim godforsaken hellholes and in most cases, we have to pay to use them. As I usually don’t have any spare change (a bit like the Queen), Ahmed is the one to grudgingly hand it over as he would my pocket money for the week. His generosity is truly legendary. And then to add insult to injury, stands outside with his arms folded like my minder.
Having had a knee operation a few years’ ago after a horse riding accident, my breakdancing days are far behind me now and whilst I may or may not make it into the squatting position, sadly I know it’s unlikely I will be able to straighten myself up again without (a) a hoist or (b) assistance. I am sure that Ahmed would have no problem in coming to my rescue; however, I would like to preserve a little of the magic at this early stage in our relationship.
As nearly every Turkish petrol station has a pedestal toilet in the gents but only a traditional shower tray thingy in the ladies. Ahmed is usually sent to scout ahead to discover whether there is a suitable toilet and if not he acts as sentry whilst I dash into the gents to use the facilities. I have immense respect for our Turkish sisters who are not only able to manoeuvre themselves into the small cubicles, negotiate the edges of the shower tray without slipping and all in trousers too!
On the one occasion I endeavoured to avail myself of these facilities I had a most unfortunate accident when I somehow managed to get both feet in one trouser leg, fell over and bashed my face on the stall door. I spent the remainder of the day with a mild concussion not to mention injuries that looked like I’d been dragged along the tarmac by my face. On the up side, after the initial amusement had worn off, Ahmed did treat me to a Big Mac.