A Dog’s Breakfast

We had realised fairly early on that our neighbour Mike was bored owing to the lack of internet access within the apartment building, particularly as he had been accustomed to waking late in the afternoon and spending all night, through to the wee small hours surfing the net. Subsequently, he spent every evening sat on the adjoining balcony getting fairly inebriated on the local brew whilst interrupting our private conversations with his unwelcome & often racist comments.

That said we still felt that we had been long overdue in reciprocating their hospitality, so we invited both Mike & Shirley minus Nissan the Dog to join us for an evening meal. Nissan had been chained to her kennel on the adjoining balcony and howled and barked her way throughout the evening, requiring all conversation to be carried out at maximum volume

Ahmed had spent a couple of hours preparing a traditional Turkish Banquet and I dressed the table and if I say so myself, we rocked in the hospitality department that night! First disaster of the evening, was when Mike sat down he announced that he didn’t eat “foreign c**p”. So a takeaway was duly ordered for him.

Mike then systematically made his way through our entire stock of Turkish lager whilst he and Shirley gave us the benefit of their “expert” advice on all things Turkish. Earlier in the day Ahmed had been given some English novels by a vacationing family and as Shirley was an avid bookworm, he had brought them home for her. Shirley took one look and said “no thanks I don’t do romantic chick-flick garbage”. At least two of the books had been in the bestseller list for a number of weeks so thankfully for the authors concerned a few million other readers felt differently.

As the copious amounts of Efes took effect, Mike warmed to his theme “You see the thing is once you realise that all Turks are robbing, thieving, b******s, you just have to let them know you won’t take any s**t…” Both of them smugly continued their inappropriate verbal banter, blissfully unaware that they had grievously insulted their host. Whilst Ahmed graciously attempted to engage our guests in conversation, I was contemplating removing all sharp implements from the table before I was led into temptation. I considered the likelihood of a repeat invitation and promptly decided I would rather poke my eyes out with rusty nails.

The disagreeable evening was brought to an abrupt end when Nissan, who had become totally aggrieved with the lack of attention, jumped across the dividing balcony balustrade, dragging her enormous kennel behind her. One minute we were midway through discussing the dolmus (bus) service and the next I was suffering a potentially perforated eardrum after Shirley shrieked “Durmak Nissan”! Chairs and tables were upended and food, cutlery, glasses and crockery all smashed onto the floor. Ahmed’s delicious culinary efforts lay in a messy pile but not for long as Nissan enthusiastically demonstrated that she enjoyed Turkish cuisine far more than her master; and possibly had better manners.

One of the lovely residents of Didim Dog Shelter

One of the lovely residents of Didim Dog Shelter

28 thoughts on “A Dog’s Breakfast

  1. Again, I must say that you make even the disasters sound funny. Love your posts, seriously regret the waste of Ahmet’s culinary creations, and regarding Mike and Shirley, the phrase “Ugly American” comes to mind. On the plus side, at least they are perfectly compatible with each other.

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  2. Wow you are gracious! I may have asked them to leave. Still, perhaps your graciousness will have touched them in some way as some people are rude in an effort to reject you before you can reject them ( a way to protect themselves in an odd roundabout way perhaps? )

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  3. How rude are those people! Not even appreciating the effort you two went to for them. I think you have been very tolerant of their behaviour considering how intolerant they are of everything. Not nice people.

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  4. Poor Ahmet. I’ve removed guests from my house for relatively minor indiscretions compared to those you describe.But then, I perhaps have something to learn from you about hospitality 😛

    I also agree with other posters. Why are they there if they don’t like ‘foreign crap’ ?

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    • I think that expats are drawn to Turkey because of the exchange rate, the interest in the Turkish banks and low property prices but I don’t think these people would find true happiness wherever they settled and at the end of the day that’s a shame!

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  5. How dare Mike & Shirley go to someone’s home and insult them – whether directly or indirectly! You are far more gracious than I would have been and they would have been asked to leave (probably not in a polite manner) after the second insult. No one needs people like that in their lives….. gggrrrrr

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    • Sadly we both know expats like this and they give us all a bad name. The Turkish are really gracious hosts so on this occasion I just had to suck it up but next time I might put something in the beer!!!!!

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  6. I read this post and was going to make a comment – but everyone else has said what I think! I have some ex pat acquaintances in India who love the country and the people but then complain about the way things are done here and about what they see as common traits of the locals. But they are no where as bad as your neighbours,just see themselves as western and therefore superior!

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  7. Wow, you are a much better person than I could ever be! To order him a take out after all the work of making them a home cooked meal. Seriously, how rude. I did wonder whether they are reading your blog though. If not, maybe you should give them the link 🙂

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  8. Spit my tea out reading this episode of your magical life….good grief…Mike & Shirley are an odd couple & I am sure Nissan is a littel more than crazy….too much Sun perhaps??
    Sherri-Ellen & Nylablue

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