No Turkish holiday would be complete without taking the obligatory boat trip, and predictably Ahmed had a “friend” with a boat. So the very next day we joined twenty other tourists for a brief trip to a nearby cove where we could swim before taking advantage of a freshly prepared meal. Turkish Flags festooned the boat and there was no “euro pop” blaring from the speakers on this trip, it was Engelbert, Sinatra and Tom Jones all the way; after all doesn’t everybody love a bit of Sir Tom!
As expected we were going to be accompanied by Ahmed’s brothers and the terrible twins. The girls, Paige and Brittany, whom I later renamed Blank & Blankest, eventually rocked up, after several frantic calls prompting them to leave their beds.
Everybody had boarded by the time they finally graced us with their presence; two less than Angelic visions in white. Blank asked me if the salt water would harm “us xtensions and cryllics”. Having neither, I wasn’t able to offer a valid opinion. As the boat left the shore, the girls were too busy texting to notice the breath-taking scenery, whilst Ahmed’s brothers, were just as mesmerised by the scenery on the boat. Sadly Blank and Blanker did not share the brothers’ enthusiasm and I feared that this was going to be a somewhat brief liaison for all parties concerned.
Ahmed took me along to the wheelhouse to meet his “friend”; the captain of the vessel who was a big burly crazy Turk. He told me that he had three obsessions which he loved above all things; his boat, football and women. Nodding in the direction of my friend he asked “she has man, no?” Sensing another potential conquest, he mentioned that we would be stopping in about an hour for a languid lunch and suggestively winked at my friend; who’d evidently won the love lottery today!
After dropping anchor in a nice quiet cove and whilst the crew served lunch, the captain decided to join us. He told me he was a very passionate man and had several girlfriends who visited him at different times throughout the season but he was always willing to test drive another. I have to admit there was something very endearing about him. As he sang along with Sinatra, whom he told me was possibly one of the greatest men of our time; no argument there from me. He ate and drank with gusto, and I suspected he romanced in the same way. Although, I don’t think his dentist would have approved of the way he removed the caps of his beer bottles with his teeth. He also loved chomping on raw chillies and I noticed that Ahmed also seemed to enjoy this practise as well. I had to marvel at the resilient digestive system of the Turkish man but couldn’t help but wonder whether chillies and a little Turkish lovin’ made compatible bedfellows.
My friend appeared to be succumbing to the Captain’s flirting; well let’s be honest, it’s just as easy to love a man with a boat, than one without. I also think that abundant alcohol enables you to drink even the fugliest individual handsome.
As we lay there soaking up the rays, another boat sailed into the same cove. There was a man at the front of the boat with a huge pair of binoculars trained on us. The captain was immediately on full alert and hailed the other vessel. The grating voice of the girls’ father could be heard above the Turkish voices. All I could decipher was various expletives and “Turkish worms”. The captain clearly affronted by the insults to his fellow countrymen, started hurling insults back and suddenly a huge argument erupted between both crews. I have since discovered that Turkish disputes involve a lot of posturing, an inordinate amount of shouting, inappropriate curses and very little resolution. However, on the upside they are usually diffused very quickly.
The captain buoyed by several bottles of the local brew, apparently enjoyed a bit of a rumble and drew his boat alongside the other. The girls’ father unprepared for the swell, lost his footing and toppled overboard much to the delight of the passengers and crew on our vessel. The only damage incurred was the father’s pride so both crews had lived to love and fight for another day.
On returning to land I discovered that our plans for dinner that evening were scuppered as unfortunately, Ahmed was unable to leave the toilet for any length of time. Must have been something he ate!
What’s with the squigly green stuff? But I would have loved to have been there – Tom Jones, Sinatra and Englebert! Parfait!
LikeLike
I love the old crooners too! The squiggly green stuff is the chillies that the Turks are so fond of – I have to say they are lovely in a salad – give it a bit of a kick!
LikeLike
This story is going swimmingly but we feel it’s more like a film script than a blog. Are you sure you haven’t sold it to Dreamworks? Loving it! 😀
LikeLike
Best someone gorgeous plays me then!
LikeLike
They’ll be lining up!
LikeLike
Can’t help but love the girls’ father!!! LMAO
LikeLike
He was a real prince!
LikeLike
I just love the bit by bit recap of how you met Ahmet! Is the friend who accompanied you on your non-honeymoon still in Turkey too? Also it seems Ahmet has lots of “friends”! Have you met them all yet?
Again I don’t feel like I’m reading a real story–it sounds too much like a movie! You should maybe consider writing a book one day based on your Turkish adventures!
LikeLike
bless you! my friend returned to england with me after the holiday but she has promised to visit! Its a turkish thing – everyone they have ever said hello to, is a friend! who knows maybe one day some publisher may be interested! It was nice talking to you!
LikeLike
Love the story! Who would you choose to play you in the film??
LikeLike
It would have to be a British actress like Sarah Parish but I think that my family would say Maggie Smith would be a better match!
LikeLike
I love your story! I cannot believe this happened for real, but Turkey is just crazy enough for it!
But even if it didn’t happen for real, it still is a great story and I can totally see a movie coming out of this! Keep writing and if you need an editor, let me know 🙂
LikeLike
I can always rely on you to cheer me – who knows what will happen in the future but certainly my blogging friends will be my first point of call!
LikeLike
Another great episode! İt’s great how there’s always a friend that does, and I lost count of how many Uncles sons I’ve met! When me and Mehmet were first together it seemed like every one we met Mehmet would say that’s my Uncles son. 🙂
LikeLike
Funny that. Ahmet’s the same, apparently related to half of Turkey!
LikeLike
I LOVE Turkey! And, your wonderfully colourful tales just make me want to return… Keep it up, girlfriend. Can’t wait to read the next instalment.
LikeLike
cheers m’dear
LikeLike
i have visions of crazy dad with binoculars!
LikeLike
I wasn’t a fan!
LikeLike
Most amusing! I think I’d avoid the chilis, too.
LikeLike
If only he would! Thanks for visiting!
LikeLike
Great story and I enjoyed this chapter a lot. I think Blank used to hang around with my daughter when she was in high school LOL
LikeLike
I don’t remember being like that as a teenager – maybe I was! How about you?
LikeLike
You have inspired my to blog about one particular hillarious trip I made to Turkey 🙂
LikeLike
Look forward to reading it – nothing like Turkey for inspiring humour!
LikeLike
“it’s just as easy to love a man with a boat, than one without.” Love that classic quote. 😉 What fun, except for poor Ahmet. He really should lay off the jalapeños. 😉
LikeLike
I keep saying “step away from the chillies” but does he listen!
LikeLike
I would also not be too enamoured of the removal of beer bottle tops with the teeth. 😉
LikeLike
Ahmet is a carpet salesman is he? We met a charmer there in Kusadasi that I almost wanted to invite back to Canada for my single girlfriend. Love your blog…I do hope you’ve considered it as a possible start to your first book! Thanks for following “Grand Adventures”.
LikeLike
My Ahmet gets around! I started writing to see whether I was any good and had a lot of time of my hands so hence the blog which has been great, far better that I would have ever thought; so who knows!
LikeLike
I just love this story unfolding, you could totally turn this blog into a book!
LikeLike
Thank you for your kinds words – not exactly sure where I would start with a book
LikeLike
Great story… Very Bridget Jones!
Raw chillies?! No wonder Turkish men are so hot 😀
LikeLike
Trust me chillies are no aphrodisiac!
LikeLike
When my email showed part six I actually giggled with glee! =D
LikeLike
Bless! Hope you weren’t disappointed!
LikeLike
definitely not!
LikeLike
I am loving your story bit by bit! Can’t wait to hear what happens next!
LikeLike
You’ve made my day!
LikeLike
I have so many stories to tell too – the crazy Ahmets of Turkey – gotta love them !! lol perfect.
LikeLike
He has his moments!
LikeLike
Loved this one as per usual. Heading to Turkey in 2 -3 wks but somehow I think my experiences will be vastly different. Your stories just seem to have that-only-happens-to-you flare lol and I love them!
LikeLike
Have a fab time and hope you love the country as much as me. There’s lots of craziness here and I’m sure you have some wonderful adventures of your own. Oh and thanks for the nice comments!
LikeLike
Haha, brilliant story, love the Dad falling overboard!
LikeLike
That was one of the highlights of my day! Thank you for dropping by
LikeLike
Holy crap girl you must really be looking for an adventure and very little must phase you! This whole story is insane, but I love reading every last word!!!
LikeLike
Wow! what a compliment and thank you!
LikeLike
Lol, brilliant read!
LikeLike
I knew there was a reason I’m dying to visit Turkey! Great story! Thanks for visiting my blog.
LikeLike
You must come it really is a fab country and thank you for popping over
LikeLike
You write so well – Blank and Blanket – love it! We went on a similarly hilarious boat trip in Turkey when I was pregnant with my son and they ran out of food on the last 2 days. The hormones and the hunger combined led me to contemplating the death of a lonely hillside goat at one stage but luckily humour prevailed and the goat was spared.
LikeLike
You are braver than I! Not sure I could stay on a boat for longer than a few hours and glad you didn’t have the goat for dinner!
LikeLike
I should never have started reading this before I got my work done for the day. At this rate I will be working all night.
Love the stories and have been snorting with laughter throughout.
LikeLike
I’m so glad you liked it – hope it makes some people fall in love with Turkey! Thank you for taking the time to read & comment – it’s much appreciated
LikeLike
“……to drink even the fugliest individual handsome” 😆 I am glad I returned to these with plenty of time on hand 🙂
LikeLike
Sadly these days, two I’m slewed and three I’m stocious but on the upside that makes me a cheap date!
LikeLike
And thus we find the end…poor Ahmet….
The Father got what he deserved; oh I’d loved to have been there to see him afloat….
Sherri-Ellen & Nylablue
(sailing; sailing away…)
LikeLike