When Is A Honeymoon Not A Honeymoon (Part Six)

No Turkish holiday would be complete without taking the obligatory boat trip, and predictably Ahmed had a “friend” with a boat. So the very next day we joined twenty other tourists for a brief trip to a nearby cove where we could swim before taking advantage of a freshly prepared meal. Turkish Flags festooned the boat and there was no “euro pop” blaring from the speakers on this trip, it was Engelbert, Sinatra and Tom Jones all the way; after all doesn’t everybody love a bit of Sir Tom!

As expected we were going to be accompanied by Ahmed’s brothers and the terrible twins. The girls, Paige and Brittany, whom I later renamed Blank & Blankest, eventually rocked up, after several frantic calls prompting them to leave their beds.

Everybody had boarded by the time they finally graced us with their presence; two less than Angelic visions in white. Blank asked me if the salt water would harm “us xtensions and cryllics”. Having neither, I wasn’t able to offer a valid opinion. As the boat left the shore, the girls were too busy texting to notice the breath-taking scenery, whilst Ahmed’s brothers, were just as mesmerised by the scenery on the boat. Sadly Blank and Blanker did not share the brothers’ enthusiasm and I feared that this was going to be a somewhat brief liaison for all parties concerned.

Ahmed took me along to the wheelhouse to meet his “friend”; the captain of the vessel who was a big burly crazy Turk. He told me that he had three obsessions which he loved above all things; his boat, football and women. Nodding in the direction of my friend he asked “she has man, no?” Sensing another potential conquest, he mentioned that we would be stopping in about an hour for a languid lunch and suggestively winked at my friend; who’d evidently won the love lottery today!

After dropping anchor in a nice quiet cove and whilst the crew served lunch, the captain decided to join us. He told me he was a very passionate man and had several girlfriends who visited him at different times throughout the season but he was always willing to test drive another. I have to admit there was something very endearing about him. As he sang along with Sinatra, whom he told me was possibly one of the greatest men of our time; no argument there from me. He ate and drank with gusto, and I suspected he romanced in the same way. Although, I don’t think his dentist would have approved of the way he removed the caps of his beer bottles with his teeth. He also loved chomping on raw chillies and I noticed that Ahmed also seemed to enjoy this practise as well. I had to marvel at the resilient digestive system of the Turkish man but couldn’t help but wonder whether chillies and a little Turkish lovin’ made compatible bedfellows.

My friend appeared to be succumbing to the Captain’s flirting; well let’s be honest, it’s just as easy to love a man with a boat, than one without. I also think that abundant alcohol enables you to drink even the fugliest individual handsome.

As we lay there soaking up the rays, another boat sailed into the same cove. There was a man at the front of the boat with a huge pair of binoculars trained on us. The captain was immediately on full alert and hailed the other vessel. The grating voice of the girls’ father could be heard above the Turkish voices. All I could decipher was various expletives and “Turkish worms”. The captain clearly affronted by the insults to his fellow countrymen, started hurling insults back and suddenly a huge argument erupted between both crews. I have since discovered that Turkish disputes involve a lot of posturing, an inordinate amount of shouting, inappropriate curses and very little resolution. However, on the upside they are usually diffused very quickly.

The captain buoyed by several bottles of the local brew, apparently enjoyed a bit of a rumble and drew his boat alongside the other. The girls’ father unprepared for the swell, lost his footing and toppled overboard much to the delight of the passengers and crew on our vessel. The only damage incurred was the father’s pride so both crews had lived to love and fight for another day.

On returning to land I discovered that our plans for dinner that evening were scuppered as unfortunately, Ahmed was unable to leave the toilet for any length of time. Must have been something he ate!

boat 5

57 thoughts on “When Is A Honeymoon Not A Honeymoon (Part Six)

  1. I just love the bit by bit recap of how you met Ahmet! Is the friend who accompanied you on your non-honeymoon still in Turkey too? Also it seems Ahmet has lots of “friends”! Have you met them all yet?

    Again I don’t feel like I’m reading a real story–it sounds too much like a movie! You should maybe consider writing a book one day based on your Turkish adventures!


    • bless you! my friend returned to england with me after the holiday but she has promised to visit! Its a turkish thing – everyone they have ever said hello to, is a friend! who knows maybe one day some publisher may be interested! It was nice talking to you!


  2. I love your story! I cannot believe this happened for real, but Turkey is just crazy enough for it!
    But even if it didn’t happen for real, it still is a great story and I can totally see a movie coming out of this! Keep writing and if you need an editor, let me know 🙂


  3. Another great episode! İt’s great how there’s always a friend that does, and I lost count of how many Uncles sons I’ve met! When me and Mehmet were first together it seemed like every one we met Mehmet would say that’s my Uncles son. 🙂


  4. “it’s just as easy to love a man with a boat, than one without.” Love that classic quote. 😉 What fun, except for poor Ahmet. He really should lay off the jalapeños. 😉


  5. Ahmet is a carpet salesman is he? We met a charmer there in Kusadasi that I almost wanted to invite back to Canada for my single girlfriend. Love your blog…I do hope you’ve considered it as a possible start to your first book! Thanks for following “Grand Adventures”.


  6. Loved this one as per usual. Heading to Turkey in 2 -3 wks but somehow I think my experiences will be vastly different. Your stories just seem to have that-only-happens-to-you flare lol and I love them!


  7. You write so well – Blank and Blanket – love it! We went on a similarly hilarious boat trip in Turkey when I was pregnant with my son and they ran out of food on the last 2 days. The hormones and the hunger combined led me to contemplating the death of a lonely hillside goat at one stage but luckily humour prevailed and the goat was spared.


  8. I should never have started reading this before I got my work done for the day. At this rate I will be working all night.
    Love the stories and have been snorting with laughter throughout.


  9. And thus we find the end…poor Ahmet….
    The Father got what he deserved; oh I’d loved to have been there to see him afloat….
    Sherri-Ellen & Nylablue
    (sailing; sailing away…)


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