The Sorcerer’s Apprentice

I love my Dad, I really do, however, I would rather have my eyes poked out with rusty nails than work with him on one of his DIY projects. Like most men my Dad will use any excuse to unpack his power tools, in fact he spends hours talking with his allotment buddies about the latest bits of kit. Apparently size does matter in the world of hand tools! Firstly, he’s just not very good at DIY; I cannot count the times when he has miscalculated and carpets have been cut just a tad too short or windows that have been painted shut.

Secondly, and more importantly despite trying to make myself scarce every time he reaches for his toolbox, I get roped in as his gofer. It usually starts off with a gentle “hand me that screwdriver”, amongst all the humping and lumping and then somewhere along the line there will be a “let’s have lunch” which basically translated means “feed me now, slave”. Once I have completed that chore, after twenty minutes of negotiating what type of sandwich will be acceptable, I attempt to indulge in a quick bite myself but alas my boss, being the eager beaver that he is, wants to crack on with the task in hand.

I think I can also confide in you that my Dad has a full-blown shelf fetish! We have shelves in every conceivable nook and cranny in the house, in the shed, down at the allotment. In fact, we have been “shelved” to within an inch of our lives. To assist him in his quest for worldwide shelf domination, my Dad has every imaginable levelling device and every drill bit known to man. Most of which he will probably never use; although on a Sunday he does get them out for a quick polish! His full-size mobile multi-drawer roller tool cabinet is a work of art and everything is labelled and neatly packed away; in what one can only describe as an obsessive compulsive disorder kind of way.

Whilst my Mum’s cure all is a cup of tea, my Dad in most emergencies can frequently be heard to utter those immortal words “now how about I put some nice shelves up for you”. Even his granddaughters have taken to locking their bedrooms for fear that they will return home to find yet more shelves occupying even more wall space.

Now Dad if you’re reading this, I have just one thing to say to you “stop with the shelf madness and step away from the power tools, before it’s too late”!

75 thoughts on “The Sorcerer’s Apprentice

  1. This is why whenever there is a project around the house that needs to be done instead of me “doing it myself’ and then ruining it and having to call ‘the guy’, now I skip the middle part and just call the guy.

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  2. Please put me on the list for shelves, too. I’ve always wanted a wall-sized bookcase of shelves so I can get rid of all the wobbly bookcases I’ve got. Come to think of it, I’ll need 2 walls done. Or 3 🙂

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  3. 😆 I really found this so funny. I think when it comes to DIY, it’s not “the thought that counts,” but the skill. Bless your dear dad though. He sounds really sweet. I could do with a few shelves in my laundry. 🙂
    There’s another star for you on my blog.

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    • Thanking you for the star, it has certainly lit up my morning unlike my Dad’s DIY skills – just finished work and he’s caught me on the way in and said “might need your help later” – think it may be a duvet day for me!

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  4. I dunno, I might be with your dad on this one… not the shelves – but the power tools. Helping my dad do some maintenance, I might have fallen in love with a battery operated screwdriver… *happy sigh*

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  5. My father built a 27 ft sailboat when I was young, in our garage. It was launched when I was six and he raced it for years. It was also where we spent most of our summer vacations. He could build or fix anything. Me, not so much. If I want something done, I find someone to do it and pay them.

    You and your dad, sweet. Laughed all the way through this.

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  6. Haha. This is awesome. Now I understand your comment more about having me come water, hahaha. You are too funny. I also need shelves, btw. I will come water and you can send him to make shelves here.

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  7. Never had a dad around … and mum had to put up her shelves herself and she were great on it.
    All DIY – she were good on anything she want to do. I have never met a handy man – so I have put up my selves myself too or used one of my best friend’s handy husband. The thing is I only have one shelve today and he did it – because it needed drilling into concrete. Maybe I’m lucky that I didn’t have a “handy” dad after all.

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  8. My hubby was that way with cars. The hours I spent starting ‘er up, or pushing in the clutch, or some other equally thrilling bit…. and so many tools you could never find the one you wanted. It’s all about boys and their toys, no matter the age. 😉

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  9. 😀 I’ve got a window that’s still painted shut. Doubt I’ll ever get it open again, so I know how you feel. As for the shelving, however, if he really is wanting to dominate the world with them, I have a desperate need and a hubby who appears to be not at all like your Dad. Send him my way – I could do with the help!

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  10. Shelves are great! I cannot imagine having enough of them? And also I do love powertools, although I am not too handy to use them…. yet! Practice makes perfect right? I may just have to start with some shelves! Thank your dad for the tip 🙂

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  11. Just be glad he’s still around. My dad had a beautiful, built-in, cedar-lacquered tool cabinet, where all the tools were clean and hanging on hooks. I’m not sure if this was his doing, or my mother, who was VERY handy with tools, and built numerous pieces of furniture out of scrap iron, even an old wooden casket, half of which became a table, the other half a modified casket for my dog, and the casket handles were cleaned and spray painted and mounted in the bathroom for towel holders where they stayed for decades. Hmmmmm, I’m writing more about my mother than my dad. Thanks for triggering memories and making me smile, as usual! – Kaye
    http://www.youtube.com/user/kittrellkaye

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