I love my Dad, I really do, however, I would rather have my eyes poked out with rusty nails than work with him on one of his DIY projects. Like most men my Dad will use any excuse to unpack his power tools, in fact he spends hours talking with his allotment buddies about the latest bits of kit. Apparently size does matter in the world of hand tools! Firstly, he’s just not very good at DIY;
I cannot count the times when he has miscalculated and carpets have been cut just a tad too short or windows that have been painted shut.
Secondly, and more importantly despite trying to make myself scarce every time he reaches for his toolbox, I get roped in as his gofer. It usually starts off with a gentle “hand me that screwdriver”, amongst all the humping and lumping and then somewhere along the line there will be a “let’s have lunch” which basically translated means “feed me now, slave”. Once I have completed that chore, after twenty minutes of negotiating what type of sandwich will be acceptable, I attempt to indulge in a quick bite myself but alas my boss, being the eager beaver that he is, wants to crack on with the task in hand.
I think I can also confide in you that my Dad has a full-blown shelf fetish! We have shelves in every conceivable nook and cranny in the house, in the shed, down at the allotment. 
In fact, we have been “shelved” to within an inch of our lives. To assist him in his quest for worldwide shelf domination, my Dad has every imaginable levelling device and every drill bit known to man. Most of which he will probably never use; although on a Sunday he does get them out for a quick polish! His full-size mobile multi-drawer roller tool cabinet is a work of art and everything is labelled and neatly packed away; in what one can only describe as an obsessive compulsive disorder kind of way.
Whilst my Mum’s cure all is a cup of tea, my Dad in most emergencies can frequently be heard to utter those immortal words “now how about I put some nice shelves up for you”. Even his granddaughters have taken to locking their bedrooms for fear that they will return home to find yet more shelves occupying even more wall space.
Now Dad if you’re reading this, I have just one thing to say to you “stop with the shelf madness and step away from the power tools, before it’s too late”!
Laughed out loud at this one.
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I’m thinking you may know someone with the same DIY skills?
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LM is my DYI guy (Do Yourself an Injury)
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Think my Dad may have had the same teacher
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haha too funny! My dad loves DIY as well. As a result, my sister and I are probably more handy than many of the guys out there 😉
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I think its great to have some DIY skills but sadly I haven’t learnt any from my Dad. Although he did buy me a socket set for Xmas one year but I had to google it to find out what it was for! Would have preferred perfume.
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This is why whenever there is a project around the house that needs to be done instead of me “doing it myself’ and then ruining it and having to call ‘the guy’, now I skip the middle part and just call the guy.
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Just wish my Dad would heed your example – we eventually pay over the odds for having his work corrected by the professionals
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Oh bless! Mine’s too old to for all that- shame really!
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That’s half the problem my Dad thinks he’s Tim Taylor the Toolman
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I loved that guy!
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you can never have too many shelves, think about all the books you can buy!! (or various tacky ornaments or cheap holiday souvenirs….) 😉 go on Dad! can I borrow him?
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Sold – when you do want him?
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this weekend? central London, go left at Piccadilly Circus, straight on down a very long tree-lined alleyway, past a statue of my relative called Victoria, and my house is just there, it’s called Buckingham Palace. 😉
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Of course, he will need to bring his able apprentice with him!
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if you are very good, there will be afternoon tea waiting.. 😉
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Your Dad is the cutest. I could do with a few shelves – preferably level. Send him to Sydney!
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Fantastic another couple of shelf-free weeks for us!
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Now I could do with some shelves, you could come with him to pass the screwdrivers and i would dish up the butties…well was worth a try 😀
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Paula, in view of the fact that your culinary skills are probably better than mine, he’d probably put the deluxe shelfing options in for you
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Please put me on the list for shelves, too. I’ve always wanted a wall-sized bookcase of shelves so I can get rid of all the wobbly bookcases I’ve got. Come to think of it, I’ll need 2 walls done. Or 3 🙂
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I could organise him a round the world shelfing tour!
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The title of your post is hilarious… I can see your Dad with his drill conjuring up a set of shelves.
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If only he would stop at the one set of shelves!
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Your dad sure sounds pretty sweet!
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He has his moments!
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😆 I really found this so funny. I think when it comes to DIY, it’s not “the thought that counts,” but the skill. Bless your dear dad though. He sounds really sweet. I could do with a few shelves in my laundry. 🙂
There’s another star for you on my blog.
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Thanking you for the star, it has certainly lit up my morning unlike my Dad’s DIY skills – just finished work and he’s caught me on the way in and said “might need your help later” – think it may be a duvet day for me!
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“step away from the power tools” … loved that bit 🙂
Great post! I bet your dad has read it & loved it too!!
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My Dad thinks he rocks at DIY – clearly we all know better!
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Hahah! I could use some more shelves… but isn’t it fun to watch them mess it up and curse a lot when they do stuff?
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My mum does enough cursing for all of us
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Forget the job!! You are a writer…
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Thank you I really don’t know what to say and its really cheered me as I’ve just finished another shift with the Evil Queen.
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I dunno, I might be with your dad on this one… not the shelves – but the power tools. Helping my dad do some maintenance, I might have fallen in love with a battery operated screwdriver… *happy sigh*
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Jill, I see your point! Powertools don’t cheat and are cheap to keep
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Oooo – I think you should trademark that saying! =)
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Took me a long time to work that one out Jill – I think a good advertising slogan would be “Black & Decker; more reliable that you’re serial shagging fiancee”
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I see a new career in your future.
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Had a good chuckle at this post and the shelf fetish. OH has a “hooK” fetish. He’s always looking for an excuse to hang a hook somewhere 🙂
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You will share in my pain then!
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My father built a 27 ft sailboat when I was young, in our garage. It was launched when I was six and he raced it for years. It was also where we spent most of our summer vacations. He could build or fix anything. Me, not so much. If I want something done, I find someone to do it and pay them.
You and your dad, sweet. Laughed all the way through this.
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If only my Dad could build a boat; you were so lucky! We end up paying for contractors to rectify all my Dad’s DIY efforts – can you believe he has requested a tool belt and yet more power tools for xmas!
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I too love shelves. Can;t get enough of them 🙂
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Ok I’m sending him over to you!
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Haha. This is awesome. Now I understand your comment more about having me come water, hahaha. You are too funny. I also need shelves, btw. I will come water and you can send him to make shelves here.
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He reckons you’d brighten up the allotment and the other “lads” (none of them under 65) would love it! I’m renting him out but I have a strictly “no returns” policy
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Never had a dad around … and mum had to put up her shelves herself and she were great on it.
All DIY – she were good on anything she want to do. I have never met a handy man – so I have put up my selves myself too or used one of my best friend’s handy husband. The thing is I only have one shelve today and he did it – because it needed drilling into concrete. Maybe I’m lucky that I didn’t have a “handy” dad after all.
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To be fair none of the men that have been in my life have been particularly handy either – Ahmed is more of a bodge it man but there again that’s the Turkish way!
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*smile
as my grandma always said – a good woman manage on her own.
Have a great weekend.
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My hubby was that way with cars. The hours I spent starting ‘er up, or pushing in the clutch, or some other equally thrilling bit…. and so many tools you could never find the one you wanted. It’s all about boys and their toys, no matter the age. 😉
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Well I may just accidentally “lose” the key to his mobile multi-drawer roller tool cabinet one of these days!
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😀 I’ve got a window that’s still painted shut. Doubt I’ll ever get it open again, so I know how you feel. As for the shelving, however, if he really is wanting to dominate the world with them, I have a desperate need and a hubby who appears to be not at all like your Dad. Send him my way – I could do with the help!
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I think he’d enjoy that a tad too much especially if it was a couple of weeks away from my mum!
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Well, I’ll know where to come when I want some shelves.My one attempt at making some myself was not very successful!
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I’m already taking orders and he’s available for pantomime too!
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Shelves are great! I cannot imagine having enough of them? And also I do love powertools, although I am not too handy to use them…. yet! Practice makes perfect right? I may just have to start with some shelves! Thank your dad for the tip 🙂
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So cute… your dad sounds like a great guy and your mom… well, she sound like me. My first though in any situation is to make a cup of tea!
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A cup of tea is certainly a “cure all” in our house
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definitely OCD with all that shelving ; ) hilarious post.
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Because of the current storms, My Dad’s unlikely to visit the allotment today so sadly he will be at a bit of a loose end so another set of shelves may be imminent! Thanks for visiting!
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lol …. too funny. You’re welcome and likewise 🙂 It was a pleasure…eager to read more later 🙂
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Funny I’ve just been reading yours and comparing our war wounds!
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nasty all around….I’d have preferred being hit by an IED 😉
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My dad stopped working about a month ago and has built no less than a dozen shelves. He’s out of control!
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When he start’s putting them up in the shed, that’s when you know you’re in trouble!
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Just be glad he’s still around. My dad had a beautiful, built-in, cedar-lacquered tool cabinet, where all the tools were clean and hanging on hooks. I’m not sure if this was his doing, or my mother, who was VERY handy with tools, and built numerous pieces of furniture out of scrap iron, even an old wooden casket, half of which became a table, the other half a modified casket for my dog, and the casket handles were cleaned and spray painted and mounted in the bathroom for towel holders where they stayed for decades. Hmmmmm, I’m writing more about my mother than my dad. Thanks for triggering memories and making me smile, as usual! – Kaye
http://www.youtube.com/user/kittrellkaye
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So funny! I understand the man’s shelf fetish. Actually mine is books, but then I need to be very creative about shelves, because I have run out of wall space.
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I’m sure my Dad would find somewhere to put a shelf up for you!
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Oh dear! My Dad never started a DIY project unless he was backed into a corner by Mum. The two or three jobs she got him to do were a disaster 😉
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To be honest my Dad’s not much better (probably thinks he’s an expert) and his wish list this xmas is all more power tools and attachments! Fantastic!
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There is a way to get round his request… you know Bob The Builder… there are some lovely stuffed versions of stonky power tools… the sound of silence 😀
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Brilliant ‘cos he’s called Bob!
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My son’s room is in desperate need of some shelves to display his growing collection of Lego ships. Can you send your dad over?
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Name the day and he’s yours; we’re secretly dreading the xmas holidays when he too much time on his hands with a host of new toys to play with!
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