In The Beginning (Part Two)

“Another”? Carla mimed at me across the public bar at the local Taverners Pub. Well! It’d be rude not to!

I’d been dragged along to Karaoke night by my best friend having spent a week moping around the house after calling off my wedding to my fiancée, Simon “I’ve been shagging anything that moves”. My family tiptoeing around me, along with my mother mouthing the word “jilted” to anyone who’d not heard of my misfortune; that would be the ones living on Mars of course. In fact, she’d delighted in the opportunity to showcase her Women’s Institute award-winning baking skills for the constant stream of visitors to the house. I wasn’t sure I could face any more sympathetic looks and insincere condolences but as my well-meaning friend had pointed out, I wasn’t the first to have been shafted in the love department.

As she sauntered across the bar bearing two large G&Ts, I pointed out to her, that if her dress had been any shorter, it would be doing the walk of shame on its own. “It always pays to look your best; you never know when you’re going to meet Mr Right”.

As I’d already that night met Mr Bobby Bullshit, Mr Fred (I can make your bed rock) Flintstone and nearly married Mr Wrong On So Many Levels; I was clearly having a wardrobe malfunction of my own; so who was I to be offering fashion tips.

“Are you having a good time cupcake, cos if so, tell your face will you”! Carla muttered putting her drink firmly down on the table “Look pet, I know what happened was awful but its time you moved on. You were Simon’s equivalent of Gillette; the best the lying cheating barsteward could ever hope to get, but as with most men he didn’t appreciate what he had. He always thought he was God’s gift to women and frankly if that was the case, God has a bitchin’ sense of humour. So instead of wallowing, let’s start with what are you going to do now you’ve got a couple of weeks’ leave from filling shelves? Be a shame to waste it. Get yourself off somewhere for a bit of sun, sea and sangria. I’d come myself but it’s a really busy time for me and it’s a competitive business when you’re a mobile hairdresser”.

As I pointed out I had used every bit of my overtime money to pay for a honeymoon in Turkey, I was now broke; the best I could hope for was a ropey old deck chair at my Dad’s allotment and a glass of his dubious homebrew.

And it was then that a plan started coming together for me; why not go on the honeymoon? I could change the name on one of the flight tickets if I could get someone to go with me and the apartment in Altinkum was already booked and paid for. It would be better than holding my own pity party in my Mum’s imposing lounge whilst trying not to spill any red wine on her shag pile carpet.

As I unveiled my idea to Carla we toasted my holiday plans and continued laughing and joking until I was asked to dance by a heavily tattooed and medallion enhanced individual; who pointing to his head and then his feet, he said “up there for thinking, down there for dancing”.

As appealing as the offer was, I declined and retired home to pack my suitcase.

rain 3

71 thoughts on “In The Beginning (Part Two)

  1. Ready and waiting for part 3. Yes, we do know where this all lands up but it’s nice to catch up on the beginning of it all. I think you definitely have a book here. Just keep blogging till you’ve got the right ending (best end up being a happy one, in which Simon goes bald, gains 300 pounds and gets dumped by every girl he attempts to date, whilst you grown in beauty and refinement as your new found strength glows through your very skin)

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    • It really is very kind of you Wivi – I can copy mine for him as I don’t want to put you to too much trouble. I’ve indexed all these posts on the Honeymoon page on the suggestion of a good blogging friend as I have a few more to go – are you glad to be home?

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      • It’s nice to be home .. came home to snow and more has fallen today – love it. The envelop is ready to go .. it’s a true pleasure. I will ready your whole story … when I done all my Christmas cards .. not many days left now.

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  2. hahahah I LOVE the nicknames you give to men–Serial Shagging Simon, Mr Bobby Bullshit, Mr. Fred Flinstone… just have to come up with a nickname for the dancing/thinking individual. Also a bit random but have you heard from Ahmed recently? How is he doing?

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    • He’s stuck in maras which is a traditional Turkish town in the east which I don’t think even has a bar working shifts in a factory so we do get to speak when he goes to an internet cafe which he did this morning but its really hard as neither of us are where we want to be doing what we want to do but we gotta earn a living!

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  3. I’m loving your series Dallas. I came in late to your blog so enjoying the catch-up of events. Of course, I’m not loving that your heart was broken by a twerp. Can’t wait for the next instalment.

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  4. You really write exceptionally well…like I said before, this reads like a novel. You should write a “based on a true story” novel! LOL. But, seriously, Carla was telling you to “get over it” after only a week, or did I misinterpret. And your mom sounds like my mom…it’s almost like she delights in spreading bad news. My mom has some sort of bad news almost every time I talk to her on the phone. o.O

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  5. Your posts absolutely never disappoint! (Though I’m holding out for a happy ending!!!) I’m loving that you’re doing this prequel… (so very Spielberg of you)!

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  6. I love how you’ve gonetaken us back… we were already on your side and engaged with the Turkey part of the story but like The Hobbit [film], goes back to how LOR began, “in the beginning” has a real magic 🙂

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  7. Oh girl. I totally understand on this one. Going through something similar. I have to keep reminding myself that I’m his Gillette. I think you’ll find a face worthy of your love and time. Thanks for sharing this, reading this for me couldn’t have come at a better time.

    Please have fun on your thank-God-he’s-not-your-honey-moon. For the both of us.

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  8. Dallas, I’m caught up with you today – part one and part two. I love your style of writing, and I love your story. My heart ached something fierce when you heard your fiance was canoodling with your friend. That stuff should only happen in movies. I smiled when you drank enough tea for all of England. And I knew you would go on the honeymoon, but it was fun reading about how you got to that decision. Can’t wait for the next installment! 🙂

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  9. one thing’s for sure, your sense of humor remained intact 😉 “Mr Fred (I can make your bed rock) Flintstone”…this one made me LOL!!!

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