I have to admit that I am not the best driver on the planet! In fact, I don’t really enjoy driving and fail to see why people get really excited about cars. In Dallas world, a car is to get you from A to B. I’m simply not interested in a car as a status symbol, or anything else for that matter. My ropey old Fiat Punto has seen me through many an ardous journey and I am loathe to give her up; that and the fact that my Lottery numbers have again failed to be recognised by Camelot.
I can also confess that my family members don’t like accompanying me on a drive either, actually my Mum and Dad will do anything to avoid getting in my car. My Dad keeps his car immaculately, mine not so much and when I’m a passenger in his he always asks me to remind him where the speed cameras are. As my Dad never drives that vehicle over 40mph, I don’t think it’s actually ever going to be a problem. In fact, the local council grass cutting machine regularly overtakes him.
When my Dad has to be a reluctant passenger in my car, he’s constantly coughing (fake) and advising me that there’s a speed camera ahead (untrue). He’s repetitively hitting the imaginary foot break on the passenger side and gripping onto the door handle as if he is in fear of his life. I assure you I am no speed queen and in fact the steering wheel shakes on my car if driven over 60mph. God forbid, if I have to drive him down a steep incline as when he alights he’s almost kissing the tarmac and muttering something about me applying for a pilot’s licence.
The other reason I get fairly stressed when I have one of my parents in the car, is that I swear like a trooper. For the most part, I am blissfully unaware that I am doing it; however, in moments of clarity I do feel good about having a good cuss with no-one to upbraid me about my use of expletives. I may be in the minority when I say, that I am still reluctant to swear in front of my parents as I think that might have them reaching for the liquid soap for a reprimanding mouthwash. What can I say you’re always going to be your parents’ child!
My eldest niece received her provisional licence through the post last week and is zealously canvassing family members for driving lessons. As is the case with most teenagers, she has the attention span of a gnat and thinks that car mirrors are for checking her lip gloss. Therefore, I think it highly unlikely that she will attract any volunteers any time soon.
I have offered to drive the entire tribe to Midnight Mass next week, but my Dad has suggested that we all walk and if we’re late, the Lord will understand!
Have you ever noticed that anybody driving slower than you is an idiot, and anyone going faster than you is a maniac?