Please Feel Free To Kick My Plaster Cast!

I think it’s safe to say that yesterday was not one of the better days at Dyson Abbey. Firstly, Chloe the Koi Karp Cat Burglar got herself stuck between a tree and the back of next door’s shed, so hearing her piteous cries I was prompted outside in sub-zero temperatures to retrieve her.

As my neighbours were out, I set about climbing over the five foot high fence to discover that I no longer have cat-like reflexes. I got stuck aloft the fence and subsequently sustained heavy grazing to my thighs when I launched myself over it. Unsurprisingly, Chloe suddenly was able to liberate herself without assistance.

My mother who is an ex nursing sister, with the bedside manner of an army general, insisted that she apply TCP to my affected areas which is why I spent the day smelling like toilet disinfectant and with a cold compress applied to my thighs because they felt like they were burning in the fires of hell.

The day didn’t get much better, after my mother fell off some steps whilst dusting her Royal Doulton collection and was taken to hospital with multiple fractures in an ambulance. Couldn’t really fold her up like a piece of origami and throw her into the back of the car now, could we!

Whilst she was induced in a drug fuelled slumber, I completed all the hospital paperwork including cause of accident which I documented as pole dancing and was able to write “break a leg” in permanent marker pen on her plaster cast. It is unlikely, she is going to be impressed when she regains consciousness but as she’s fairly immobile for the time being, I’m reasonably safe.


89 thoughts on “Please Feel Free To Kick My Plaster Cast!

  1. That Chloe is such a tease.
    I am very sorry to hear about your mum’s accident (I can relate b/c that happened to me a few years ago, although the cause was different), but it all just confirms my suspicions that dusting is dangerous and hazardous to your health.


  2. I hope the Royal Doulton was unbroken lol. Just kidding 😉
    Not funny really because at a certain age bones do not always heal easy. Make sure your mum does as she is told as nurses are known to be the worst patients.


  3. OMG! Sorry to say, I totally laughed at your misfortune when you said the cat suddenly liberated herself… Heheh! Looks like she “paid it forward” too, first you getting hurt and then your mother. Weird day.


  4. oh no! your poor mum, hope she is better soon. Your dad will now not be able to go to his allotment so often, as he will need to look after her and make her numerous cups of tea… 😉


  5. There are too many Carry On films coming to mind – Hattie Jakes and Barbara Windsor take center stage but do watch out for the doctors. With your luck, it’ll be Kenneth Williams 😀 When you’ve stopped having a larf, hope all the indignities of the day turn out not so bad and for goodness sake, keep Chloe away from your Mum’s plaster cast.


    • I loved her and such an interesting life! I remember her wearing one of those capes with the red bands across her chest to secure it and the frilly cuffs around her sleeves. It was a bit Carry on Matron and she would have been the stern one!


  6. Oh I’m so sorry. Both for the accident’s that Chloe plagued you with and for laughing. I must say I was highly amused at the hospital paperwork and the cast signature, LOL


  7. They do say that things come in threes, so tell your dad to be extra careful with his garden fork. Seriously though, I really feel for your poor mom. I once broke my femur, and was on crutches for 6 months. It’s not fun. Tell her in future to rather let the Royal Doulton stay dusty. 🙂 Wishing her a speedy recovery. Your cat has a lot to answer for after your heroic attempt to save her. At least she could have had the grace to pretend to be still stuck, so you could feel your sore thighs were worth it. Thanks for the laughs. The way you reported the incidents, I couldn’t help but fall about; carefully of course. 😆


  8. My mum loves TCP too – thankfully it’s not available in Australia but she used to stock up on it whenever she went anywhere that sold it. That stuff stings! Hope you both feel better soon.


  9. Oh bugger. Poor mum … A few weeks after we got back from the UK, mine fell at home and broke her hip. Drama queens eh? Hope you’ve managed to douse those flames of hell. (Probably the wrong kind of hot for thighs to be.)


  10. You’re so funny … your post are so full of irony and humor. You should work as a screenwriter. What a story – glad that you’re okay and that your mum is going to be okay. Thanks for the big smile.


  11. I do hope everyone heals. Lovely picture, is that you mum? If so she was quite the catch. Sorry to hear your accidents but glad to hear everyone is home and on the mend!

    Pole dancing? Nice one Dallas.


  12. I feel guilty about laughing out loud while reading about your mishaps, but I can’t help myself 😆 Wishing your mom a speedy recovery. Hope she forgives you the ‘pole dancing’ bit 🙂


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