I think it’s safe to say that yesterday was not one of the better days at Dyson Abbey. Firstly, Chloe the Koi Karp Cat Burglar got herself stuck between a tree and the back of next door’s shed, so hearing her piteous cries I was prompted outside in sub-zero temperatures to retrieve her.
As my neighbours were out, I set about climbing over the five foot high fence to discover that I no longer have cat-like reflexes. I got stuck aloft the fence and subsequently sustained heavy grazing to my thighs when I launched myself over it. Unsurprisingly, Chloe suddenly was able to liberate herself without assistance.
My mother who is an ex nursing sister, with the bedside manner of an army general, insisted that she apply TCP to my affected areas which is why I spent the day smelling like toilet disinfectant and with a cold compress applied to my thighs because they felt like they were burning in the fires of hell.
The day didn’t get much better, after my mother fell off some steps whilst dusting her Royal Doulton collection and was taken to hospital with multiple fractures in an ambulance. Couldn’t really fold her up like a piece of origami and throw her into the back of the car now, could we!
Whilst she was induced in a drug fuelled slumber, I completed all the hospital paperwork including cause of accident which I documented as pole dancing and was able to write “break a leg” in permanent marker pen on her plaster cast. It is unlikely, she is going to be impressed when she regains consciousness but as she’s fairly immobile for the time being, I’m reasonably safe.
You are hilarious. Love this post, you cool and crazy cat!
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It does sound like a day in crazy Marla world too! I think we are both a tad cack handed!
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That Chloe is such a tease.
I am very sorry to hear about your mum’s accident (I can relate b/c that happened to me a few years ago, although the cause was different), but it all just confirms my suspicions that dusting is dangerous and hazardous to your health.
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I completely agree Jennifer, Housework should carry a government health warning
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Hi – Sounds like a big day out. Additionally, really great for material…and musings.
From the reader’s perspective – a hearty laugh. Thanks….agentcatfish
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Thank you too, it’s important to laugh in the face of adversity – sometimes!
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I hope you and your mom are both ok. Love the post, very funny, I loved the part about the pole dancing.
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I think Mum and I are both past our pole dancing days!
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I hope the Royal Doulton was unbroken lol. Just kidding 😉
Not funny really because at a certain age bones do not always heal easy. Make sure your mum does as she is told as nurses are known to be the worst patients.
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Indeed they are. Hope your Mum heals quickly!
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She’s discharged herself and is currently barking orders at us all – my Dad’s escaping to the allotment later. And Rosamond she would have been really pissed if she’d broken any of her precious Royal Doulton collection – think she may possibly love it more than my Dad
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Only you could make two accidents sound totally hilarious! Hope you’re both on the mend soon 🙂
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Mine was just a scatch but my Mum’s a bit more serious but she’s bounced back really quickly – it maybe the drugs!!!!!
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OMG! Sorry to say, I totally laughed at your misfortune when you said the cat suddenly liberated herself… Heheh! Looks like she “paid it forward” too, first you getting hurt and then your mother. Weird day.
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They do say it comes in threes so I will be sleeping with one eye open from here on in!
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Just the laugh I needed! Happy mending to you and your mom!
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Mine’s just a dim distant memory now and mum is home, lying in state on the sofa and having her servants do her bidding!
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Sounds like she’s on a happy road to recovery!
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You have a real knack for turning a serious story into a hilarious tale!
Poor you and your poor mum, I hope you both feel better soon… (hehehaha)
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We’re all good Maggie and Mum has a new cast on Monday – she didn’t want to stay in hospital because apparently it’s full of “sick people”!
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oh no! your poor mum, hope she is better soon. Your dad will now not be able to go to his allotment so often, as he will need to look after her and make her numerous cups of tea… 😉
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That’s not going to happen because I work nights and will be home during the day, he’s already packing his flask to escape the sick room!
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aah so he got away with it this time!! men!!
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There are too many Carry On films coming to mind – Hattie Jakes and Barbara Windsor take center stage but do watch out for the doctors. With your luck, it’ll be Kenneth Williams 😀 When you’ve stopped having a larf, hope all the indignities of the day turn out not so bad and for goodness sake, keep Chloe away from your Mum’s plaster cast.
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Forgive me Hattie for spelling your name wrong (Jacques).
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I loved her and such an interesting life! I remember her wearing one of those capes with the red bands across her chest to secure it and the frilly cuffs around her sleeves. It was a bit Carry on Matron and she would have been the stern one!
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Oh I’m so sorry. Both for the accident’s that Chloe plagued you with and for laughing. I must say I was highly amused at the hospital paperwork and the cast signature, LOL
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Mum’s going back to hospital on Monday for a change of cast, so I’m going to have to think of something else to write
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You are very funny! Hope you and your mom have a rapid recovery!
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Mum’s on the mend and I’m just being careful when I sit down! Thank you for asking!
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They do say that things come in threes, so tell your dad to be extra careful with his garden fork. Seriously though, I really feel for your poor mom. I once broke my femur, and was on crutches for 6 months. It’s not fun. Tell her in future to rather let the Royal Doulton stay dusty. 🙂 Wishing her a speedy recovery. Your cat has a lot to answer for after your heroic attempt to save her. At least she could have had the grace to pretend to be still stuck, so you could feel your sore thighs were worth it. Thanks for the laughs. The way you reported the incidents, I couldn’t help but fall about; carefully of course. 😆
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Chloe seems to be the most unsullied of us all and I agree with you about the Housework but I don’t think Mum will be polishing any dusty surfaces any time soon!
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I did find a way to do the vacuuming on my crutches. Where there’s a will, there’s a way. 😀
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Great, I’ll pass her the Dyson vacuum and maybe she can whip up a roast dinner whilst she’s sat there doing nothing!
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Great idea, Dallas. Tell her I said so. 😆
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The previous comments pretty much said what I wanted to. You are just too funny, but hope your mum and your thigh heal quickly.
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My Mum has been sent home with one of those zimmer frames on wheels which she flatly refuses to use!
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Never a dull moment around your house!!!! Give hugs to your mother. Falls are no fun – ouch!
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Her brother phoned her to check on her progress and reminded her that no-one in their family had lived past 70! She’s cheered up now – thanks for that Uncle Jeff!
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I laughed out loud!!! Every family has an Uncle Jeff!! They seem to know exactly what to say…
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I’m glad your mother is okay! I hope she finds the humor in the message you wrote on her cast.
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I can run fast!
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You mustn’t take unfair advantage now. 🙂
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That’s what kids do best!
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😀
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My mum loves TCP too – thankfully it’s not available in Australia but she used to stock up on it whenever she went anywhere that sold it. That stuff stings! Hope you both feel better soon.
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My Mum swears by it and just douses herself in it a bit like Channel and mothballs which she leaves in the pockets of all jackets and forgets to take out when she puts them on.
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wow, what a day! hilarious post
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Think I should have gone back to bed!
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HA! I bet she just loved the pole dancing reason 😉
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Haven’t told her yet but no doubt my lovely nieces will grass me up!
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Oh bugger. Poor mum … A few weeks after we got back from the UK, mine fell at home and broke her hip. Drama queens eh? Hope you’ve managed to douse those flames of hell. (Probably the wrong kind of hot for thighs to be.)
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We thought that my Mum had broken her hip but just her foot, ankle and leg – you would have laughed when I tried to explain my accident to Ahmed on skype in Turklish – he’s probably still none the wiser!
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Bloody hell she did a decent job of it! I feel an attempted re-enactment for Ahmed may have been more meaningful.
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This sounds like it should have been a sketch in a British comedy. I almost feel guilty for laughing out loud. Hope your mum mends quickly, Dallas! 🙂
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Thanks for cheering me up. I needed a laugh today.
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You are very welcome
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You’re so funny … your post are so full of irony and humor. You should work as a screenwriter. What a story – glad that you’re okay and that your mum is going to be okay. Thanks for the big smile.
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Now that would be something, I could wave Poison Pen and shelf stacking goodbye
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I think you … would be a screenwriter – so many bad comedy programs out there.
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Bless you Wivi – I can dream but for now I have a date with a shelf full of baked beans – nite nite
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Say nothing bad about bake beans. *smile
Sleep sweet and dream carefully.
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I’ll save some for you x
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This is such a funny post! Great visuals! I hope that your thighs feel better.
Also, I nominated you for a Reader Appreciation Award! Thanks for reading my blog and I enjoy yours immensely. Here’s the link to my post: http://mindingtheminis.com/2013/01/23/reader-appreciation-award/
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How very very kind of you and on a day when I’m fraught from waiting on the patient hand and foot! Will have to check this one out!
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Best wishes for speedy recoveries.
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Bless you but I think my war wounds were pretty minor compared to my Mum’s
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I’m always prepared to laugh when I encounter your posts, Dallas, however, I feel quite bad for you and especially your mum!! Falling when you are older is not a picnic, and recovering in plaster isn’t either. Hope she mends! And leave the dusting to the professionals! – Kaye
http://www.youtube.com/user/kittrellkaye
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Surprisingly, she’s very buoyant (not sure whether that’s the medication she’s on)! I think she’s going to be a very difficult patient though
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So the cat is OK then? 😉
Seriously sorry to hear about mum’s fall. We just went through that with mine back in Nov.
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She has bounced back with a vengeance and is holding court on the sofa, giving us all our daily to do list. She’s slept all day so I cant help but think that my nieces are dosing her coffee!
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I’d say you take after your mum when it comes to bouncing back. Best wishes to all —
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I think you’re right and I’m teflon coated!
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Oh dear those steps can be a “weapon of destruction” hope your Mum is soon up and at ’em. How are your war wounds coming along?
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I do hope everyone heals. Lovely picture, is that you mum? If so she was quite the catch. Sorry to hear your accidents but glad to hear everyone is home and on the mend!
Pole dancing? Nice one Dallas.
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That’s my mum as an eighteen year old student nurse – we’ve all given up the pole dancing for the timebeing!
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What a day! So sorry about your fall and your Moms. Best you hope she doesn’t get to read the admission form. Oh dear, you are bad 😀 Sounds like exactly the type of thing my Dad would do to my Mom.
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I laugh in the face of danger!
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Still giggling…!
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I certainly wasn’t today, when my Dad had hightailed it to the allotment leaving my mother with a handbell, just in case she needed anything!
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Oh dear! I’ve got a movie playing in my head now… Hope she gets well soon, for everyone’s sake 😉
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I feel guilty about laughing out loud while reading about your mishaps, but I can’t help myself 😆 Wishing your mom a speedy recovery. Hope she forgives you the ‘pole dancing’ bit 🙂
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I can run fast Madhu!
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I hope your mom is up and about soon. Maybe you need to get her one of those dusters w/ an extendable handle so she can dust her Royal Dalton collection in safety. 😉
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Fabulous idea as her bones are mending pretty slowly alternatively I could get the vacuum hooked up to the front of her temporary wheelchair; she refuses to use the frame on wheels
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LOL!! Love the ‘pole dancing’ memo!
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I just couldn’t help myself
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Fun writing!
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I try to see the humour in most situations, sometimes it works – thank you for reading
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