As usual we awoke on the morning of the village show, to torrential downpours and thunderstorms. As mum was putting the final touches to her cakes, we were forbidden access to the kitchen so she thrust a cereal bar in my hand and hissed “make yourself useful” as she brushed past me. Try mustering the enthusiasm for that when you’ve only had a stick of muesli for breakfast! Dad had been down at the allotment since dawn with the dynamic duo that is Sid & Ernie.
I soon discovered that “making myself useful” was actually another term for “humping and lumping” boxes into the car and transporting them to one of the marquees in the showground. My youngest niece is a tad accident prone or a bit of a Cack-handed Carrie as my old Grandma would have said; so in the interest of my mother’s sanity, was forbidden from carrying anything remotely fragile but was allowed to ride shotgun with me in the car.
Enroute to the showground I got a text from the Three Allotment Stooges asking me to call in at the shed on my way. As I pulled up my Dad and the dynamic duo were waiting by the gate with baskets and containers and before I could climb out, my Dad was loading them into the back of the car. Judging by the ruddy cheeks of the dynamic duo they had already been freely partaking in my Dad’s dandelion wine.
I reminded him to be careful as if he damaged my mother’s cakes in any way, he needed to be aware that down at the allotment no one could hear you scream. As he was making a pig’s ear of re-arranging all the boxes, Cack-handed Carrie jumped out to help him. Within minutes disaster struck and the bottom of one of the cake boxes collapsed emptying the yellow fondant iced contents onto the tarmac below. There was an audible gasp of horror from all of us as we knew the consequences for this misdemeanour would be severe. Trust me when I say that Hell hath no fury like a cake-maker wronged.
“We’re going to be for it now” my disconsolate Dad remarked
“No shit Sherlock, and anyway who’s the “we” kimosabe? You’re on your own Wreck It Ralph; I don’t want to live on Muesli Bars for the rest of my life”!
We scooped up the remnants of the yellow fondant iced cake back into the box whilst my Dad endeavoured to mould the fragments back into some shape; the result resembled something along the lines of a pile of pale lemon elephant dung. Ernie handed me a couple of my Dad’s dahlias and suggested that I cover the worst of the damage with them. I pointed out that emergency reconstructive surgery wouldn’t be able to conceal the mutilation.
As they slammed the boot of the car shut, they bade me farewell and shouted “break a leg” at me through the open window; which was exactly what my Dad was going to get when my mother caught up with him.
If you enjoyed Part One catch Part Two here
Make that “hell hath no fury like a FEMALE cake-monger wronged.”
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Absolutely!
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Someone’s in trouble! I can’t wait to hear the end of this story…
BTW -those cakes are beautiful!
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Preparations are already underway for this year’s show!!! They are lovely and all made by my good friend Shirley – I didn’t want to post my Mum’s as it’s still a bit of a sore point
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🙂
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Are those your Mom’s cakes, if so, they are truly beautiful works of art, she is so talented…..best they tasted good too….
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To be fair they’re made by one of my mates Shirley – I didn’t want to ask my Mum for her pictures as although its a year ago I don’t think she’s forgiven him yet!
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Amazing cakes – we’ve both been thinking of sweet things this afternoon! They should make a sit-com out of your family – I’d watch!!
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To be fair my mum is a bit like Hyacinth – right down to answering the phone in her posh voice!
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Oh dear Flo as we say in our household when anything unseemly transpires. A least it was self-inflicted damage rather than allotment sabotage. Waiting for part two with antici……….pation!
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So I have to come back tomorrow to see if she stole the show?
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Normal ish service will be resumed soon! Was on the night shift and I didn’t get time to finish it!
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Those cakes are seriously gorgeous! Guess it is too much to hope that your dad got off lightly 🙂
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By the skin of his teeth!
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Your cake-maker friend Shirley is definitely a keeper. What gorgeous cakes. Are your Mom’s on a par? Did she re-make the cake? We’re all waiting to find out what happened to your Dad, although I hear torture is illegal.
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She is a very talented lady particularly after one of her husband’s magic glasses of wine! Dad is frequently in the dog house, I think that’s why he’s furnished the shed so well, he’s waiting for the day he is evicted for good
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Goodness…those cakes are beautiful!!!!
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She does a cracking job that’s for sure!
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so funny! Was your Dad banished to the shed for a week?
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As my Dad snores like a drill, he’d be there seven nights a week if my mother had her way
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So funny! And I loved the photos of your mom’s cakes. SO cool!
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Shirley’s cakes are amazing – didn’t want to wind my mother up any more by asking her for her photos especially since the country show is coming around again. After all, she’s only just come out of therapy!
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funny story again!!! dad’s in trouble…yet again… those cakes are amazing, I have a post this coming Sunday about my birthday cake….. but your friend makes amazing ones TinkyTown! 🙂
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A birthday? How fab, details please, you don’t get off that easy!
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and a big b-day at that….sssshhhh don’t tell anybody…
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21 again eh?
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gosh, how did you guess!!!??? 😉
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What does Dandelion wine taste like, anyway? 🙂
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My Dad’s version tastes like shampoo!
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Some serious cakes .. here – and a serious story too *laughing. And some serious problems … coming up. Dandelion wine, must been done in China – because there they have some serious strange flower wines. *laughing.
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He makes elderflower, blackberry and a few others too but he’s always been tee-total so never partakes himself
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Love the sound of elderflower … and blackberry. *smile
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Those cakes are just beautiful !!! I can’t wait for part 2 !!
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And that’s just my friend’s hobby, she’s a Human Resources Manager in her day job
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A hobby …… really ….. her cakes are fantastic, you should do a post with lots of photos on just her cakes, I would love to see them, that is talent !!!
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Hilarious (though tragically so!) Does your mum know she’s being compared to Hyacinth?
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We all call her Hyacinth particularly when she uses her telephone voice
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Look at those cakes, I almost forgot to read the story…. 🙂 Are you going to do pt 2 ?
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I most certainly will be posting part 2 in the next couple of days, shifts permitting!
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haha, I would love to have been a fly on the wall, although your mom probably would have killed me 😉
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She wasn’t particularly thrilled with any of us on that day!
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Oh no! I can’t wait to see your mother’s reaction to this. How long ago did this all happen?
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Did you notice how my Dad left me to sort it out! Men honestly! This was the year before last I think
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Dallas, I could listen to you tell stories all day long!! Your dad is a doll. He meant well. 🙂 I feel so sorry for your mom. I hope she will find the humor in it one day. … Shirley makes stunning cakes, but I’m pulling for your mom to win this year! 🙂
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Maddie, how did I miss this one – not firing on all cylinders I think tiredness has a lot to do with it – oh the glamour of night shits! My mum who is an amazing cake maker extraordinaire is bemused with the rest of the family’s sense of humour
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Hi, I have nominated you for the Liebster Award but only of you would like it!
Here’s the link back
http://elleturner4.wordpress.com/2013/02/14/lucky-old-me-and-thank-you/
😉
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Thank you so much but it may well take me some time to get round to it but despite that it is still a very lovely surprise
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Your friend is quite the talent, but I do think you should post your mom’s cakes. Can’t wait to read the end of this tale. Your poor dad.
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Shirley certainly has the golden touch and my Dad has the luck of the devil – well as my Grandma used to say with a twinkle in her eye “the devil looks after his own”!
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Oh my lord!! My mum would have killed me if it had been us that dropped a cake.. It sends shivers up my spine just thinking about it.
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If she had discovered our little “accident”, we would have been evicted!
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Cack-handed Carrie
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I think she gets it from me!
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Oh dear I think I will hear your Mam’s howl of outrage from over here. I wait with bated breath for the sequel… :0
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Junie Little Legs is certainly a force to be reckoned with, when she’s in a bit of rip!
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I love the labels you give your friends and family, my best friend I call Junie ( she is a shorty too… :))
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I enjoyed that, thank you, and I like the expression ‘cack-handed Carrie’, I must remember that. The cakes (those that weren’t turned into elephant dung) are outstanding.
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My mums are more the traditional kind that the lovely works of art that my friend makes although cakes are still a sore point in our house but I still wouldn’t dream of bringing a Mr Kipling packet across the threshold.
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Not even in a cake emergency? I confess I have been known to slide into a packet of French Fancies in dire circumstances.
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I think my mother would disinherit me!
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Ah, definitely not worth it then. In the case of French Fancies they lure you in with their sweet treat looks and then make you feel sick. No doubt best avoided. I’m sure your mum’s are much better.
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Oh Dog! I bet he was in LOTS of trouble for sure!
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He was in the doghouse too which I’m sure is somewhere that you’ve never been!
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haha naughty naughty! This is awesome, looking forward to reading about what hot water you dad got into and how he got out of it!
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He certainly has a knack for getting himself into hot water but despite this always seems to get away with it!
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Are the photos your Mom’s cakes? Beautiful! Or at least they were 🙂
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These are made my lovely friend Shirley – my mum’s specialities are those you see in an old fashion tea shop
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“Pale lemon elephant dung” tarted up with dahlias, certainly does not sound very tempting. What a funny story, although I’m sure your mom wouldn’t find it in the least amusing. 😕 Gorgeous cakes.
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Initially we got away with it but one of the old dears at the WI grassed us up in the end!
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