A Bit Of A Do (Part Four)

The wedding breakfast had been laid on in the grand ballroom of an impressive old manor house hotel. After reception drinks, we all took our seats and I was relieved that Serial Shagger had been seated at the opposite end of the table to me; which spared me from the temptation of wanting to stab him with a fork and having to spend the rest of my life in a six-foot cell.

The meal was sumptuous and the wine flowed, the speeches came and went along with the champagne. Unsurprisingly, Serial Shagger managed to embarrass the groom with a few lewd stories at his expense followed by a slide show and ever raunchier jokes during his speech.

After the meal and speeches had finished I somehow ended up sitting alongside Sid & Ernie, my Dad’s allotment buddies, who were providing the entertainment that evening with their mobile disco “The Village People”; clearly not to be confused with the male singing group of the 70s. Frankly, the prospect of seeing them both scantily clad in leather chaps was enough to scar me for the rest of my natural-born, however, common sense had prevailed and their trademark stage costumes consisted of matching midnight blue Lurex tuxedos.

Whilst sat alongside me canvassing requests and dedications, Sid randomly remarked “Cake were nice; not as good as yours though but they had a better do”

“That’s ‘cos we didn’t have one in the end, remember?”.

It still smarted that my mother had frozen all the buffet items when my wedding had been cancelled at the last-minute and we had lived on them for weeks afterwards. In hindsight the three-tiered wedding cake, which had proved popular with all house guests had probably lasted longer than our engagement which in itself should have told me something.

On the way to the ladies’ cloakroom to touch up my make-up having busted out some moves to the Macarena, Cha Cha Slide and not forgetting the obligatory YMCA, I discovered Simon sitting outside on the balcony on his own nursing his pint. I thought he hadn’t noticed me so I just carried on walking but Simon was ahead of me and pulled a chair up alongside him. “Cracking day, wasn’t it?” indicating that I should sit and I agreed that it has been the very best of days.

“What am I going to do, Dall? I’ve got one kid with a girl I don’t even like and another on the way. I feel my life’s over”!

I sat quietly just listening to him wail about the injustices of his life oblivious to the irony of the situation. It was hard to feel sorry for this spoiled Peter Pan who had no concept of the hurt he continued to inflict on those around him. The saddest thing of all was that I no longer felt any real animosity towards him, in fact, I didn’t feel anything for him at all and in many ways that was much more heartbreaking.

I recognised that Simon had been indulged all his life first by his parents and then by me and in loving him too much we had created a self-absorbed disloyal narcissist with the emotional capacity of a toddler. No doubt we’d have still been together making each other miserable if circumstances hadn’t forced our hand. The truth of the matter was we started out dating each other when we were teenagers and had simply outgrown each other. Whilst Simon hadn’t really changed at all and I seriously doubt if he ever would, I had and now I realised that I wanted a good deal more out of life than he was capable of giving to anyone.

As I got up to leave he whispered “It wasn’t all bad, was it?”

Smiling wistfully I said “No Simon, not all bad just on the days ending in “Y”.”

“A wisecrack for every occasion”

“That’s me; a regular Dawn French” and excusing myself I went in search of the cloakrooms.

After some major restoration work with the help of Estee Lauder, I felt a little more presentable and returned to the party. On the way I couldn’t help but notice a couple locked in an embrace on the balcony and a second look confirmed that it was Simon and one of the other bridesmaids indulging in a little Summer Night lovin’. I sighed to myself and genuinely hoped that at some point in his life for the sake of his family he managed to curb his self-destructive streak.

However, I had a more pressing appointment with a gentleman who had signed my dance card earlier in the evening and as I strolled determinedly into the ballroom to the sound of Nat King Cole’s “Unforgettable, I smiled at the kindest man in the world as he took my hand and swept me around the dance floor. And there in that ballroom, this fairy princess danced with the man who would always be her hero; my Dad.

wedding cake

55 thoughts on “A Bit Of A Do (Part Four)

  1. Dads are the best, aren’t they? And always there to be a hero. I am going to steal your “only every day that ends with “Y”‘ line, that cool? After reading so much about Serial Shagger, I do feel like I know him enough to kick his tail end to the moon and back. Although, as you’ve run out of feelings for him, I feel that’ll be punishment enough for him when he finally grows the hell up and takes a long look back at his life. You rock Dallas. Don’t ever forget that, my friend. XOXO


  2. Brilliant Tink. Great form with Simon the sleaze (mainly because of his inability to, well, not be a sleaze). Your aplomb with a twist of the best kind of sarcasm gave me a huge grin and your Unforgettable turn on the floor with your own Superman warmed my heart to it’s center….Brava you and kiss ol’ twinkle toes for me will ya? Sure would like to meet him one day.


      • I’ve been a bit housebound since breaking the leg…and while I like the view well enough from the chair, it does limit one’s creativity! I’ll get out and about soon enough for a good old shooting spree…and tell him thanks, makes me happy to know I’ve added a bit of enjoyment. (and I bet he DOES twinkle!) xoxo


  3. I dunno, Dallas – still acting the Serial Shagger on such a ‘cracking day’ – that’s behaviour neither you nor his parents taught or indulged him in. Despite the hurt and tears, nothing could illustrate better what a lucky escape you had! The segue into the arms of your wonderful Dad brought me to tears. 🙂


  4. How lucky for you that you “woke up” before committing yourself to that sad, oblivious chap. And how lovely for you to have such a wonderful dad to call you “princess.” 😉 … A fitting ending to an entertaining story. Or is there a part 5?


  5. Really enjoy reading about how you have moved on with such grace and style. For a moment I thought there might be a new man on the horizon but reading on that it was your dear old Dad waiting to dance with you brought a lump to my throat.


  6. Forgot to ask – has your village been affected by the awful flooding? We see footage of it on Sky News and feel so sad for all the people whose homes are underwater.


  7. I love you even more for being far more gracious than I would ever be capable of being but I do understand what you mean about it being worse to realise you feel nothing any more, sometimes just feeling anger is needed to feel like you hadn’t totally wasted your energy on some one, and also there is a fear you once you let go of emotion that you might never feel any thing again xxxx


  8. the things you had is just like a story with end showing the results all we know and the reasons why all these happened. like a joke sometimes…and also a good luck.


  9. You have a profound understanding that matches yours compassionate nature. A most excellent post, Dallas!!

    “Love never dies a natural death. It dies because we don’t know how to replenish its source. It dies of blindness and errors and betrayals. It dies of illness and wounds; it dies of weariness, of witherings, of tarnishings.” Anaïs Nin


  10. You don’t need a man when you’ve got a dad like yours!

    And woah you just dropped a bombshell in the middle of your story–he is expecting another child with another woman? Is he even still with your former best friend? And unfortunately it seems some people never change… You should have warned all the bridesmaids to stay away from him!


    • Oh completely but I think I’d made my peace with the situation by the time the wedding rolled around but we don’t speak and we’ll never be friends but I wish her a lot of luck as I feel that she too will have her own heartbreak to deal with


  11. He turned to you for sympathy? Empathy? Compassion? No, really he turned to you? You were kind, kinder than he deserved.

    Dad’s are the best. Thank you for this story and showing even terrible hurts ultimately heal.


  12. What a marvelous post… good to the last drop… and in this case, the last word. I truly enjoyed it. Wishing you years of happiness, and hoping that you do find the right man with whom you’ll be able to enjoy the highs and suffer the lows, and work together through the banalities.


  13. Aww, what a sweet, sweet ending! I too was half expecting a new romance! Sounds like the shagger is now well and truly out of your system. Wishing you many more dances with your wonderful dad Dallas. And a world of happiness. And loads of inspiration to keep us entertained. Haven’t enjoyed myself this much in days 🙂


    • How spooky I was just reading one of your FB posts! Bless you for your kind words definitely one of my best cheerleaders; but not sure yet whether I’ll be continuing with the blog when my annual renewal comes up later this month


  14. Wow, read it whole now 🙂 No wonder they say “A fathers love must b the most underrated emotion… Equally sacrificing, yet completely overshadowed by the mothers love”. Cheers!


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