The Great Escape (Part One)

Most of our neighbours have lived alongside us for several years in relative harmony where we’ve seen their children raised and move away from home to make their own way in the world. We’ve shared in their family celebrations and tragedies as they have in ours. So it is always sad to wave goodbye to family you’ve grown with but always nice to welcome new friends both young and old into the area. That is until Turbo moved in!

For some time now I have become increasingly irritated by our neighbour’s bad habit of borrowing items from us and never returning them. As a single long-distance lorry driver and aptly named (as he manoeuvres even slower than one speed Hobo) he moved into the house next door about three years ago and has regularly “borrowed” everything and anything from tools, tin groceries, portable heaters, garden and power tools none of which are ever returned. He assembled a shed about a year ago and asked us to lend him the necessary equipment which none of us have ever seen again. My Dad’s garden spades, forks and rakes, which had been lovingly cleaned and oiled over the years, have all been thoughtlessly abandoned in the rain once borrowed and when we request their return he tells us he is unable to locate them. One morning at 5.30am he rang the doorbell to borrow clingfilm and whilst I was already awake for work, the rest of the household were less than impressed.

Another source of constant irritation since wearing out the batteries on the doorbell is that he now bellows across the fence should he wish to catch our attention which is frankly going to drive the old dear to drink. I truly believe that if he heard we had nits the kleptomaniac next door would want to borrow them.

The final straw for me was when I was doing a spot of weeding during Barb’s visit. I was enthusiastically attacking the nettles whilst the lazy trollop was lounging in a deck chair supervising my endeavours. Turbo looked over the fence and asked whether he could “borrow” my gardening gauntlets after I finished as he had an urgent gardening project. Over the next two days I watched the lack of activity in the garden next-door and fumed when I realised that I again been duped. I decided there and then that I was going to carry out a midnight raid (think Expendables style but with less dynamite) ably assisted by my right-hand (wo)man and take back what was ours!

And if you want to know whether Turbo gets his comeuppance you can catch Part Two here 

I'm going in!

I’m going in!

33 thoughts on “The Great Escape (Part One)

  1. I think that Brit stiff upper lip is needed here, with a little naked honesty. To the next request you reply, “I would love to loan you that, but you never return anything, so if you want to keep borrowing, here is a list of what we have already loaned you. Please return these, and very likely we will loan you something again.” Can you muster that up? Hope so! – Kaye


  2. We try so hard to get along with our neighbours don’t we? He obviously couldn’t give a s–t about you, so when you have retrieved your stuff, may I suggest the next time he asks you for something, you just say “No!” I’m sure the consequences will be more bearable!!!


  3. Great story. Time to go over to borrow your rakes and shovels back. Invite him to garden with you and bring the tools along. Maybe he’ll take the hint. PS: Stop lending to him….with a smile, of course.


  4. Please tell me you broke into his shed at night ninja style and reclaimed what is rightfully yours!

    I had a friend like this though she never openly borrowed anything. She stole outright and it was always obvious it was her since whenever she came over, something would go missing. I remember she once came over and brought her Barbies over to play with me. After she left, nearly all my Barbies and horse toys were gone! There is no way someone mistakenly takes ALL of those toys. The next time I went over to her house, I kept insisting we go down into the basement to check her Barbies to make sure my toys weren’t mixed up with hers. I would not let up about it so we went downstairs to “check” and lo and behold, ALL of my Barbies and horsies were there! She kept saying, “That’s so weird, I don’t know how that happened.” Well my toys didn’t walk themselves out of my house into her bag. It happened multiple times at various friends’ houses so it was just a one time thing. I wonder if she is still stealing things to this day (we are no longer in touch).


    • That was just plain stealing but I suppose so is borrowing something with the intention of not returning it. How many of us have friends that borrow cds, dvds etc never to return them and not give a second’s thought to actually the person they borrowed it from had to work a couple of hours to pay for whatever item they have kept


  5. That is one seriously awful neighbor…I can haedly wait to read the battle plan….go get ‘im Dallas!!!!!!
    And good luck!
    Sherri-Ellen & Nylablue
    P.S.: Nylablue says pee on his patio….
    (don’t ask…she has quite a vengeful mind for a pretty feline..)


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